Living the Dream

I’m 60 years old and have multiple medical issues. Any one of them could cut short my expected lifespan but I have two or three of these things. I’m on the back 9 of this life. Lately I have been reflecting on the years I have lived. I’m not looking over the years I’ve spent on earth in a sad way, just in a nostalgic way. I like nostalgia. Looking back on my life is good…as long as it doesn’t control my present.

I have been fortunate to have brothers and sisters that love me in spite of myself. We all grew up in the same home where chaos was the norm. Most of us enlisted in the Marine Corps or in some other way figured out how to leave home at 18. We haven’t always agreed or even liked each other…but I think we all loved each other. I think our parents loved us. My relationship with my parents (both biological and “step”) is a bit complicated. I’ll leave further explanation alone for now. I grew up in some unique situations that still influence me to this day. But I digress…

Life has a way of changing our dreams. My grand plan had me serving in the Corps for 20 or 30 years. I wanted to be a Drill Instructor and, someday, SgtMaj. of the Marine Corps. I was also considering becoming an officer through an enlisted commissioning program my CO had recommend me to participate. I thought that trying to become Commandant (4 Star General) would be as cool as being SgtMaj of the Marine Corps. Nothing like goals, huh! My dream was to live and die in the Marine Corps. Well, on my way to SgtMaj (or Commandant), I got injured and my career came to a rather sudden and unceremonious end. I left the Maine Corps broken – both physically and emotionally. I was spent.

My first years following the Corps was spent in Southern California. I had a number of civilian friends there through my church. I liked hanging with them for the most part. And I wanted to see if I could survive “on my own”. I worked, played, worshipped God, and generally enjoyed my time in SoCal. I owned a business for a while (until one of my partners ran off with the ENTIRE bank account!). I worked a few other jobs here and there until I moved to Virginia following my dad’s death.

I always thought that working at the primary standards level of Metrology would be the greatest experience and near the top of my career. Until NIST (The National Institute of Standards and Technology) showed interest in me. Not once. Not twice. But thrice! Three times they asked me to apply to work there. Each time I said no – except the last one because they were in the midst of a reduction in force and were not permitted to hire me. I felt I had missed out on my dream. Following this third opportunity, everything went downhill at the Navy standards lab where I worked. If it could go wrong, it did. I was so tired and so worn out by the nonsensical politics of some who had been chosen to demonstrate the Peter Principle. My young family was being affected, not in a good way. My wonderful wife stood with me as I struggled not only with the work nonsense but also difficulties at our church at the time. Add to that my untreated severe depression…well, lets just say life was pretty ugly – or sort seemed pretty ugly.

We eventually left our church over a doctrinal issue and found our current home church. We settled in there and found places to serve. In 2011 we left there to plant a church about 15 miles or so away. I also began a new job that was closer to home. We started the new plant with 4 families, grew to about 110 or so in 6 months, then were split and died. To say the experience was difficult is an understatement. My wife and family were once again standing with me. But the stress…man, the stress. I remember the support and wise counsel of my theology professor, Dr. Jim Mook, and the love, concern, prayers, and words of support and encouragement both he and his wife Nancy Mook gave me. We returned to our home church (where we are now). I was broken emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I thought I’d never smile again. My dream became a nightmare. I was done.

We have been at our home church again for 12 years (I think) since the death of Main Street Bible Church. I have tried my best to live a quiet life at our home church, not demanding anything from the Pastor. Me, my wife, and my family try our best to serve wherever there is a need. Of course I have some preferences. I love pulpit ministry and have told our Pastor that whenever (and wherever) he needs me, I am willing. I don’t ask for pulpit time, I’m just willing to fill in when he needs me to fill in. We have been clear that we are at Westminster Bible Church to serve in whatever capacity needed. We want to be for our Pastor, his wife, and our church family what those who split our plant were not for us and those in that fellowship. I hope we have been a blessing and not a distraction.

I started pursuing a Ph.D. in 2020 or so. I was convinced God wanted me to continue my formal education though I wasn’t sure what I could do with it considering my age. During my time working on the coursework, trying to learn enough German and French to pass the qualifying exams, and work full time with an already large family, we were blessed to be the recipients of four bonus children whose parents needed some help. I don’t regret the decision to open our home to these four kids. I hope we have made a difference in their lives. Now I’m at the end of my Ph.D. studies – all my coursework was completed sometime ago, my comprehensive review of theology was completed last year. I’ve had some challenges to completing my dissertation. I’ve had Covid-19, two major back surgeries, financial hardships (near bankruptcy), among other things. If this was pursuing my dream, I wanted to stop!

We’ve had challenges in our family as well as blessings. I’ve watched my “little girl” Moriah graduate from high school and blossom into such a beautiful young lady. She teaches dance and is quite the talented dancer. My first son, Daniel, graduated and is now getting ready for his sophomore year in College. He has turned into such a great guy. Joseph has graduated from Emergency Services training before graduating high school. He has an EMT course left and when he completes that course, he will have 20 college credits (University of Maryland) before he graduates high school. Ellie has a business of her own in her teens. Hannah is doing better than OK in gymnastics, she is fantastic. She made it to the regional championships for Level 7 the first year they have had regional championships available for level 7. She is ready for next year. Noel is involved in volleyball and is progressing well. Charis is a beautiful dancer and is prospering there. Lainey is still our little firecracker and I can’t wait to see what God does with her. Our four bonus kids are doing well and hopefully will continue to make strides.

In some ways, as I have looked over the past 60 years on God’s earth, I could be disappointed. My life is nowhere near what I dreamed it would be. I had an abbreviated time in the Corps, never sniffing anything near SgtMaj. I didn’t even make the Sgt. part of my goal. Or Commandant should I had become an officer. So many dreams I had – then my modified ones of owning a business, working at a high level in Measurement Science, a chance to work at NIST, a Master’s Degree and now, perhaps, a Ph.D. After thinking about all these things, I realized something very important. My dream never really about that “stuff” as good as that “stuff” is.

I was sitting in our dining room and the entire family was at the dinner table. I think we were either eating dinner of a evening snack. That doesn’t matter. What matters is everyone was laughing, joking, and carrying on. We really enjoyed being around each other. Seeing this, I had a thought…I’m living the dream!

Though dreams of my youth did not work out, I’m living my dream now. I get to serve God in a meaningful way. I have a wife I adore and simply can’t live without. I have a bunch of kids who God has blessed. They have each turned out beautifully not so much because of me but in spite of me. I see God actively working in my life and in the lives of my wife and children. The challenges we have faced together – the frustrations, the heartache, and the losses – each pale in comparison to seeing God actively engaged with my family. To see this connection through Jesus Christ is more than wonderful. I’m more than happy. I’m more than joyful. I’m living the dream.

I’m living my dream.