baldtheologian Christian Living, The Future

That Bridge is Getting Closer

From August 10, 1982 until November 2, 1982 I was aboard Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, SC. That base is where all east coast recruits attend their recruit training to determine if they pack the gear to become a United States Marine. Not everyone who tries to become a Marine actually becomes a Marine. After all, the Marine Corps is not the Air Force where everyone wins a prize.

Marine Boot Camp is long and arduous. It has changed in the 40-plus years since I attended and graduated. I have no doubt it is challenging to this generation of young people trying to become Marines. I never want the Marine Corps recruit training to become easy – I want recruit training to be difficult because being a Marine is something special. It is something very special to me and all Marines who have served and are serving. The facts are, not just anyone can become a Marine. After all, the Marine Corps is not the Air Force. Or the Navy. Or the Army. Or the Space Force. The Marine Corps is unique. We are elite. And we are not shy about sharing those facts.

Back when I was at Parris Island, I was part of 1st Battalion, “B” Company. I was in Platoon 1071. My platoon was pretty terrible at everything. I was not the best recruit in our platoon. I was probably one of the lower performing ones. But I could do a few things at a high level. I could fight and I could run. I also could learn everything else I needed to know to become a Marine.

Each evening while I was on Parris Island, a friend of mine (Private Sheriff) and I would look out the portholes (windows) over the swamp behind our barracks. We could see the lights on the bridge that led off the Island. Each night either I or Sheriff would say “That bridges getting closer.” It was our way of dealing with the seemingly endless trial of Boot Camp. On graduation day – 2 November 1982 – I remarked to Sheriff as we formed up to march to graduation: “That bridge is here.” He smiled. I smiled. Then we marched off to graduate and become Marines.

Ever since then I have always used the phrase “That bridge is getting closer” anytime I was faced with a task that seemed endless and difficult. I use it to encourage myself and remind myself that any journey worth taking is worth being diligent in taking it. I cannot give up. I cannot surrender.

My last post was about changes coming in the months ahead. I have been working on getting all the paperwork necessary to make the school I envision a reality. Writing the by laws and constitution, coming up with a decent name, recruiting a Board of Directors and faculty, is proving to be a bit difficult. In my research I discovered that for a religiously-exempt school to grant degrees in the State of Maryland, the school has to be owned by a non-profit (check), be religiously focused (check), grant degrees only in the field of focus like Bible, Theology, etc.(check), and have $250,000.00 in assets AND their assets must exceed their liabilities (ugh). I was feeling pretty good about my progress toward this school until I hit encountered the financial requirements. But I’m not discouraged and I’m not quitting.

I will continue to plug along and do what is necessary to set up the school as a non-profit, religious charity. I am doing that so that those who want to contribute its mission can get a benefit (tax deduction) for doing so.

Since I want the school to be tuition free, I need to find other ways to fund it. Having the faculty and various administrative personnel raise their own support is one way. Taking in donations from others is another. I really don’t want to charge tuition for the classes. Too many people don’t pursue a decent biblical education because of the cost involved. My Seminary degree cost about $30,000.00…that is a heavy life for anyone. I want to avoid that is at all possible.

Though the road from where I am today nowhere I want to be in future is filled with unknown twists and turns, unknown potholes, and perhaps even a surprise or two, I can say without a doubt that “That bridge is getting closer.”

I’m closer to getting off this Island to my destination. I’m closer to teaching a rigorous course of study in the Bible and Theology. I’m on-track to defend my dissertation (The Christian’s Relationship to Government: A Study in Romans 13:1-7) in 2025. By all appearances I should top out at between 98,000 and 102,000 words. That will be between 392 and 410 pages dedicated to how we should translate, interpret, and apply to life one Greek term. Wow. I’m making progress. That bridge is getting closer…

I have set down my preliminary courses that will be offered. There’s 42 of them currently. They range from the practicals of discipleship to the nitty-gritty of theology and the biblical languages. I cover every book in the Bible, every area of theology, the biblical languages, and a few extras as well. I’m not finished with that list yet.

I have recruited two other men who will be teaching with me. Both have Master’s degrees. I’m hoping to find some other men willing to teach who have at least a Master’s degree in the Bible/Theology/etc. I have a couple of men in mind but haven’t approached them yet. I have two spots on the Board of Directors still open if my other three directors actually come to fruition. Then there are the offices of President, Vice President, Academic Affairs, and Business Manager i need to find. I need to find those who are willing to volunteer their work or raise their own support to fill those roles. They’re out there – I just need to find them.

I guess I could be discouraged with what looks like a harder, steeper climb than I initially thought. But for some strange reason I’m not. If this takes longer, changes form, or changes in some other way, I’m good with that. My initial vision may not come to pass. But I do know this: whatever I have left in my tank, I’m going to use to glorify God. If it is in an academic role, that’s fine. If it is in the layman’s role I have now teaching at my church, that’s fine. That bridge is getting closer. And I am encouraged by that.

Just like I reminded my friend in Boot Camp that the bridge off Parris Island got closer each day, the bridge off this Island of life is getting closer every day. One day I’ll cross that bridge and set foot in my eternal home.

That bridge doesn’t lead me to another ministry. That bridge doesn’t lead me to another phase of life. It doesn’t lead me to another role. That bridge I see is the one that leads me to my heavenly home. The road I’m on and the training I’m receiving and giving – the hopes, the joys, the successes and failures – all contribute to that day when I will stand before my Savior and receive the judgment I deserve. On that day I will see my work either be burned up like wood, hay, or stubble or watch it get refined like gold or silver. I hope there is a little gold for me to show my Savior. After judgment, I will enter into my eternal home with my eternal assignment. Though the road is a bit tough today, I shall not surrender. I shall not stop working. I will be finished one day, and I’ll stop.

One day, I’ll cross that bridge.

One day, I’ll be in my eternal home.

baldtheologian Christian Living, The Future

Frustratingly Stuck, the Sovereignty of God, and being Joyfully Broken

First things first

This article actually predates the three previous posts I’ve made recently – After I Die, Life Lessons: Learning to be Teachable, and The Dream is Over. This is really the process I’ve been through over the past months as I’ve tried to figure some things out. I’ve been writing this particular article since January 2024 but didn’t want to publish until I was satisfied with what I was trying to communicate. Due to the nature of the subject, I decided I would not publish until I came to a reasonable and, more importantly, a God-honoring conclusion to my questions and feelings.

Before I get to the subject of the title, I ask you please read the entire article before commenting. This one is long, somewhat raw, but honest. Many of my articles deal with the process I go through in life. While it may look like one thing when an article begins, if you read to the end I hope you see that the end is usually better than the beginning.

I have a wonderful wife and family. I love Beth with every fiber of my being. We met in the fall semester (2000) at Capital Bible Seminary in the class Hebrew Grammar I. Each morning I would enter the seminary building to her joyful “Good morning!” I would acknowledge her with a short “hi” and go off to study with my 7-11 coffee in hand. One morning I stopped to ask her a question. Little did I know then what a simple question about Hebrew syntax one early morning would turn into. She is more wonderful than I can describe. I don’t deserve her. I love her more than I can express. She is my heartbeat…our kids are pretty awesome too. I’m very content and happy with the family God has given me. 

But recently I’ve been wrestling with the feelings of being stuck. I feel stuck in every facet of life right now. Stuck in work, stuck in my dissertation, stuck in spiritual things, stuck in non-spiritual things…geez, everything just feels stuck right now. And has felt stuck for a good bit.

That can be a frustrating feeling. It doesn’t matter where you’re stuck – in a job, in ministry (or out of ministry), or in a place where you’re not satisfied with what you’re doing – being stuck is a helpless feeling. If you think about your stuck position long enough, it gets downright depressing.

Sometimes I look around and see others doing exactly what I thought I would be doing after graduating Seminary 20 years ago. I start to think, “What if …?” But I need to stop asking that question. It’s easy to start the “What if…” game, but playing that game is dangerous too. It can make me feel so unsatisfied, so frustrated.

But I ask the “what if” questions anyway…how dumb is that? Will I ever learn…

I have a desire to be a Pastor again. But the chances of that happening linger somewhere between slim and none. And that breaks my heart. I so want to do that work again. I could live without the nonsense I endured before. But I’ve come to realize that area of ministry is probably closed to me. So here I am – stuck up to my axles in mud and no way out. I don’t blame anyone for my feeling of being stuck. It’s my fault. I drove into the mud. I watched as the mud enveloped me up to my axles.

Feeling Stuck

Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in life? I mean sunk-to-your-axles-in-mud stuck! Ever felt that way? Maybe you know the way to get out of it but for reasons outside your control you simply cannot pursue it. You’re stuck and there is really nothing you can do about it.

I have worked the field of Metrology (measurement science) since 1983. That’s 41 years…and counting. That many years in one field is certainly a long time. There was a time I enjoyed my work. But that time of enjoying measurement science is gone. The company I work for is great and there are plenty of great colleagues there. But I don’t want to do this any longer. There was a time where working in Metrology and doing ministry stuff was great – I’ve been committed to bi-vocational ministry since before I entered seminary. But now I hate it. I feel I’ve been imprisoned by my own convictions. The prison is made of mud and I’m stuck.

Stuck in spiritual things and my service to God

I’m about to finish my Ph.D. in Theological Studies. I should feel excited but I actually feel discouraged. What will I do with that Ph.D.? Will I do more with it than I have with my MDiv in Pastoral Studies? Or maybe more than what I did with my B.S. in Church Ministries?

The way things are going it doesn’t look like I will do more – or even as much as what I’ve done with my other degrees. Maybe I can get a job teaching a college or university course online. But that isn’t what I want to do.

I don’t want to try to do something for God – what could I do for the creator of the universe? Yeah, nothing. But I want to do something that impacts lives in a permanent way. And, for whatever reason, I don’t think I’m doing that right now. I just feel stuck.


Stuck financially

We just can’t seem to get ahead. We aren’t bankrupt or anything like that but, man, the stress involved in making enough to make ends meet these days is rough. Maybe this will change one day, I’m not sure. Taking care of a family of 14 is a heavy lift. Of course, we are not alone with these financial frustrations, but still. I really don’t want this struggle anymore.


Feeling stuck and the Sovereignty of God

I’ve tried to reconcile my feeling stuck status with the sovereignty of God. I’m what I term a “Sovereignty of God” oriented Christian. I believe that God is sovereign over all, in all, and through all. Nothing happens to me except that it is His will for me. He is not mostly sovereign, or kind of sovereign. He is absolutely sovereign, I am not. I am accountable for my decisions and my actions. I’m not sure how His sovereignty and my responsibility work together, but they do.

As I wrestled with this contradiction, a couple os questions came to my mind. These questions seem obvious now but somehow, I missed them before. Maybe I was too focused on being stuck to see them. The obvious questions are…

“Am I really stuck?” “Have I been planted by God somewhere I may not want to be and/or stay?”

Yikes, that is a different issue.

Maybe I’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe asking “What if” is OK if I frame the questions correctly.

Different “What if” Questions

What if…

God has chosen to plant me where I am today?

God has a unique role for me to play in His story?

God has gifted me specifically for this role?

God has chosen me not to conform to an expectation

BUT to the likeness of Christ and, for me, that doesn’t include fulfilling my dreams?

Well, if God is doing these things, why do I feel stuck?

Do I have an answer? Is there an answer?

How about this answer: “Feeling stuck is the symptom of a rebellious heart of a proud man”?

Ouch. I don’t like that answer. But it is the truth.

Realizing, admitting, and embracing that truth changed some things. Actually, it changed everything. I came to understand things in a better way. A more honest way. And hopefully a more God-honoring way.

I’m Broken but not destroyed

God’s purpose is not to make me happy – His purpose is to bring glory to Himself. I play a role in His plan to glorify Himself, and whatever role that is should be enough for me. But when I am focused on my dreams, my aspirations, or my expectations, I will fail to recognize His working in my life. And I will become disillusioned, discouraged, and dissatisfied. I may be broken but I need to remind myself that God is the One breaking me not my circumstances. And yes, that distinction makes a difference.

So what’s next?

When I teach on eschatology, I always tell folks that we should never worry about the timing of the rapture or the end of tis age. What we need to be is ready for whenever that moment comes. Well, the same is true for my life.

I need to accept that perhaps God has decided that my time as a Pastor has ended. My prospects of teaching at a brick and mortar University or Seminary once my Ph.D. is completed is looking bleak as well. I’ll be 61 when I finish and schools typically desire younger guys teaching. If I had oodles of experience and was 61 then that would probably be ok. But trying to get hired as a professor for my first time at 61 doesn’t look great.

My first two options are seemingly not viable. So now what? I have some ideas of what I could do and have begun the process of working toward those things. If that is where God wants me it will take a while to get there. But if He doesn’t want me there, I don’t want to be there.


What is God doing to me…in me?

What is God doing to me, in me, and in my life? I don’t have an answer to that question. What I see around me are the many pieces of my broken heart and my broken life. Shattered dreams, haunting memories, questions abound…But I don’t want to ask “Why?” anymore. I don’t want to ask “what if?” anymore. I simply look around and see the many scraps of my shattered dreams, dashed hopes, unfulfilled expectations., and try to cope.

But I’m reminded of His sovereignty. And because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace my broken heart. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace my brokenness. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace that my dreams are shattered and won’t come true. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace that God’s plan for is not what I wanted – and I know that is a good thing.

I’m where I need to be

I’ve come to the point of total surrender…not just mostly surrendered, or kind of surrendered. I’ve come to the place of complete and utter surrender. Maybe you’ve been there for a while and I’m late to the party. I’ve always held out hope that my dreams would somehow come true…but not anymore. I cannot hang onto my dreams and must embrace His plan – whatever it is – for me.

The place of total surrender is an uncomfortable place to be. It is filled with uncertainty. My past life still haunts me. My present life is resting on the grace of God. My future is not so clear to me. I do know that God has predestined me to be conformed to the image of His Son. The path I am taking is nothing like what my dreams were. It doesn’t look like many others have taken since graduating so many years ago. This path is uncomfortable.

I don’t necessarily like being here. I don’t like admitting I’m broken. I don’t like admitting I’m weak. But the truth is, I am a weak, broken man.

I have nothing to offer other than what God is fashioning me to be. This process of sanctification – being conformed to the likeness of His Son – hurts. I don’t like this place of total surrender. But here I am.

Exactly where I need to be.

baldtheologian Christian Living, The Future

New Years 2017 – A Resolution worth Keeping

So 2017 is here (technically this is New Year’s Eve but since I plan to be sleeping when the new year begins I figured I’d post this now) and time to roll out the New Year’s Resolutions stuff.

Resolutions – you know, those things we resolve to accomplish to  do in the new year but never seem to do? Yeah, it is THAT time again. I’ve never been one to make a resolution at the new year. I may have done it a time or two but I never really meant it. But this year is different for me. I am going to make one resolution that I hope to keep throughout the year. I intend and will do my best to keep this resolution  in the coming years.

My resolution is not about weight loss, though I certainly be a pound or ten lighter. My resolution has nothing to do with saving money. In some ways my resolution may cause me to save less money. It doesn’t concern being kinder, gentler, or easing back on my conservative views. It isn’t about finally getting my book published or being a Pastor again. It has to do with something much more important than those temporal things. My resolution has eternal implications and eternal consequences.

So what is my resolution? Before I get to it, a particular passage of Scripture comes to mind:

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2 NASB

 

I resolve, beginning this year and continuing through the rest of my life to continually place myself on the altar for God to use as he sees fit. I will place all of me at His disposal.

 

But what does this mean?

Simply put, being a living sacrifice means that I sacrifice all in service to my King and God. But what is all? Well, it is everything. This includes my desires, the money I earn, the life I lead, the aspirations I have. It means every nook and cranny of my life is places on the altar as a living sacrifice.

The practical implications of this are numerous.

One thing that must occur as I do this is that I must dismiss my plans. That does not mean that I simply wander through life without  a plan. It doesn’t mean that I wait for God to miracle a direction for my life. It does mean that the ideas I have for my life come under the headship of Christ. I resolve no longer to ask God to bless my plans, I resolve to ask God to bless me with His plan for my life. So though I have one seemingly simply resolution of for this new year and for years to come, there are actually other resolutions that are contained within the simply one above.

As a part of my main resolution,

I resolve to place my desires and aspirations on the altar as a living sacrifice. This does not mean I do not have desires and aspirations. I certainly have them. For instance, I finally have the desire to pastor a church again. I desire to preach much more than the once a year I currently preach. I want to teach more. I want to disciple more. But those desires must be on the altar if I am to do things God’s way. I resolve to continue to prepare to be a pastor – with all that entails – as I wait on God to open a door somewhere to be that Pastor again. I may never be a pastor again. With that desire on the altar means that I’m OK with that outcome. And I am OK;

I resolve to reorder my life to study God’s word deeper and in a more meaningful way. I resolve to share the knowledge God has blessed me with. Anyone who desires to learn what I know is welcome to that knowledge;

I resolve to place my family, my church life, and my work life on the altar as a living sacrifice. Finding balance between many competing interests is difficult if not impossible. This is especially true for those of us with a large family. The demands of being the sole wage earner in a home to 10 folks is daunting even on a good day. Things are expensive these days. With 8 kids, a wife, two guinea pigs, two parakeets, two cats, a dog and many hens and many ducks puts a strain on the family budget;

I resolve to be spent by the time my body dies. I will not hold back but I will not simply do something for the sake of doing it. My activity shall be God-directed, not me directed. To be spent means I shall do all that God calls me to do. I shan’t do things in my own power. I shall do things under the direction and power of the Holy Spirit.

__________________

My life is not my own. I’ve known that for quite a while. Now I will continue to live like that. Everything I am, I hope to be, or hope to do is part of being a living sacrifice to God. It is part of renewing my mind. It is about living life in a God-honoring way. It is living a Christ-centered life rather than a self-centered life.

This is my resolution not just for this year, but for all years to follow.

So, help me God. I’m going to need Your help.

baldtheologian The Future

ch-ch-ch-Changes

In with a new year and out with the old. No this isn’t a list of new year’s resolutions that I have no intent on keeping. This is a discussion of some changes coming to this website. These changes will take time, effort and money. But, at some point in the future, they will happen. So, without further ado, here we go!

My next series of articles will be more thematic in nature. While I will be dealing with themes, each theme will be developed mostly from one area of Scripture and not cobbled together from a verse here and a verse or two there. The theme must be found in a section of Scripture in order to be included. If you have a particular subject you would like to see on the website, shoot me an email and I’ll do my best. For now, I plan to do a series on the vanishing disciplines of Christianity. Things like holiness, discipleship and other things that have faded in favor of the more emotional expressions of faith will be addressed. And yes, I do advocate a return to the fundamentals of the faith. I’m working on a title, but that series will start next week. I hope you profit from it.

This blog, which has been THE website for its life, will become PART of the website. It will still be a prominent part, but it will be only a part.

I will be offering downloads of equipping material. I am in the process of placing all the Nehemiah articles in book format, adding a little more content and getting it professionally edited. One all that is done, I will assemble the book and offer it as a download from the equipping section of my website. The price will be reasonable I think. It will be free to anyone who wants it. It will be copyrighted to protect its content but it will be distributed for free.

I am working on a seminar on the Bible. I have a tentative title and content outline. This will be presented to churches and groups who desire to acquire a fuller understanding of the origin, transmission and preservation of the words we call Scripture. When I present this, I plan to videotape it, edit it and offer it for streaming or downloading.

I am also converting a room in my house into a recording studio. I will be offering courses on everything that I have been blessed to learn. I will divide the course into bite-sized segments probably an hour long each. When a course is completed, it will be offered for streaming or download. I may add DVD’s as well. Along with these video lessons I will provide class notes in pdf format. It will be like a college class but you won’t get the college credit. But you will receive the equivalent instruction and knowledge.

I hope to recruit some who have also received an advanced education in the Bible/Theology to share their knowledge as well on my website. I trust, with God’s blessings, to offer courses to cover the entirety of the Bible and theology.

So why all this stuff for free? I have been disturbed about a trend in Christianity. It seems more and more Christians are about building their brand rather than building into the Body of Christ. This is especially true in the area of Christian websites. More and more Christians peddle useless junk and fritter their time away promoting themselves as the Church struggles to educate believers so they will be equipped to take on the day.

I have decided that, for my website and those who share their knowledge on my website, our focus will be the building of the Body not the building of our brand. All material will be copyrighted (mainly to protect the content) but it will all be offered without charge. I begrudge no one if they charge for their content. I simply won’t. I am convinced that for me to profit monetarily off the gift Christ has given me is wrong.

All this activity will cost money. But I’ll never ask for yours. I’ll never charge you to equip you. You see, this series on Nehemiah has convicted me. My fear has collided with my faith and my faith has won.

And now I am acting on my faith.

So I ask for your prayers as these changes occur. I ask that you pray as I transition to a 501 (c) 3 non profit corporation. I ask that you pray that God will bring multiple talented teachers, webmasters, graphic artists and editors to join me in this task. This isn’t about me. This isn’t about growing thebaldtheologian.com. This is about glorifying God with every fiber of my being.

 

Remember us, O God, for good.