baldtheologian Christian Living, The Future

That Bridge is Getting Closer

From August 10, 1982 until November 2, 1982 I was aboard Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, SC. That base is where all east coast recruits attend their recruit training to determine if they pack the gear to become a United States Marine. Not everyone who tries to become a Marine actually becomes a Marine. After all, the Marine Corps is not the Air Force where everyone wins a prize.

Marine Boot Camp is long and arduous. It has changed in the 40-plus years since I attended and graduated. I have no doubt it is challenging to this generation of young people trying to become Marines. I never want the Marine Corps recruit training to become easy – I want recruit training to be difficult because being a Marine is something special. It is something very special to me and all Marines who have served and are serving. The facts are, not just anyone can become a Marine. After all, the Marine Corps is not the Air Force. Or the Navy. Or the Army. Or the Space Force. The Marine Corps is unique. We are elite. And we are not shy about sharing those facts.

Back when I was at Parris Island, I was part of 1st Battalion, “B” Company. I was in Platoon 1071. My platoon was pretty terrible at everything. I was not the best recruit in our platoon. I was probably one of the lower performing ones. But I could do a few things at a high level. I could fight and I could run. I also could learn everything else I needed to know to become a Marine.

Each evening while I was on Parris Island, a friend of mine (Private Sheriff) and I would look out the portholes (windows) over the swamp behind our barracks. We could see the lights on the bridge that led off the Island. Each night either I or Sheriff would say “That bridges getting closer.” It was our way of dealing with the seemingly endless trial of Boot Camp. On graduation day – 2 November 1982 – I remarked to Sheriff as we formed up to march to graduation: “That bridge is here.” He smiled. I smiled. Then we marched off to graduate and become Marines.

Ever since then I have always used the phrase “That bridge is getting closer” anytime I was faced with a task that seemed endless and difficult. I use it to encourage myself and remind myself that any journey worth taking is worth being diligent in taking it. I cannot give up. I cannot surrender.

My last post was about changes coming in the months ahead. I have been working on getting all the paperwork necessary to make the school I envision a reality. Writing the by laws and constitution, coming up with a decent name, recruiting a Board of Directors and faculty, is proving to be a bit difficult. In my research I discovered that for a religiously-exempt school to grant degrees in the State of Maryland, the school has to be owned by a non-profit (check), be religiously focused (check), grant degrees only in the field of focus like Bible, Theology, etc.(check), and have $250,000.00 in assets AND their assets must exceed their liabilities (ugh). I was feeling pretty good about my progress toward this school until I hit encountered the financial requirements. But I’m not discouraged and I’m not quitting.

I will continue to plug along and do what is necessary to set up the school as a non-profit, religious charity. I am doing that so that those who want to contribute its mission can get a benefit (tax deduction) for doing so.

Since I want the school to be tuition free, I need to find other ways to fund it. Having the faculty and various administrative personnel raise their own support is one way. Taking in donations from others is another. I really don’t want to charge tuition for the classes. Too many people don’t pursue a decent biblical education because of the cost involved. My Seminary degree cost about $30,000.00…that is a heavy life for anyone. I want to avoid that is at all possible.

Though the road from where I am today nowhere I want to be in future is filled with unknown twists and turns, unknown potholes, and perhaps even a surprise or two, I can say without a doubt that “That bridge is getting closer.”

I’m closer to getting off this Island to my destination. I’m closer to teaching a rigorous course of study in the Bible and Theology. I’m on-track to defend my dissertation (The Christian’s Relationship to Government: A Study in Romans 13:1-7) in 2025. By all appearances I should top out at between 98,000 and 102,000 words. That will be between 392 and 410 pages dedicated to how we should translate, interpret, and apply to life one Greek term. Wow. I’m making progress. That bridge is getting closer…

I have set down my preliminary courses that will be offered. There’s 42 of them currently. They range from the practicals of discipleship to the nitty-gritty of theology and the biblical languages. I cover every book in the Bible, every area of theology, the biblical languages, and a few extras as well. I’m not finished with that list yet.

I have recruited two other men who will be teaching with me. Both have Master’s degrees. I’m hoping to find some other men willing to teach who have at least a Master’s degree in the Bible/Theology/etc. I have a couple of men in mind but haven’t approached them yet. I have two spots on the Board of Directors still open if my other three directors actually come to fruition. Then there are the offices of President, Vice President, Academic Affairs, and Business Manager i need to find. I need to find those who are willing to volunteer their work or raise their own support to fill those roles. They’re out there – I just need to find them.

I guess I could be discouraged with what looks like a harder, steeper climb than I initially thought. But for some strange reason I’m not. If this takes longer, changes form, or changes in some other way, I’m good with that. My initial vision may not come to pass. But I do know this: whatever I have left in my tank, I’m going to use to glorify God. If it is in an academic role, that’s fine. If it is in the layman’s role I have now teaching at my church, that’s fine. That bridge is getting closer. And I am encouraged by that.

Just like I reminded my friend in Boot Camp that the bridge off Parris Island got closer each day, the bridge off this Island of life is getting closer every day. One day I’ll cross that bridge and set foot in my eternal home.

That bridge doesn’t lead me to another ministry. That bridge doesn’t lead me to another phase of life. It doesn’t lead me to another role. That bridge I see is the one that leads me to my heavenly home. The road I’m on and the training I’m receiving and giving – the hopes, the joys, the successes and failures – all contribute to that day when I will stand before my Savior and receive the judgment I deserve. On that day I will see my work either be burned up like wood, hay, or stubble or watch it get refined like gold or silver. I hope there is a little gold for me to show my Savior. After judgment, I will enter into my eternal home with my eternal assignment. Though the road is a bit tough today, I shall not surrender. I shall not stop working. I will be finished one day, and I’ll stop.

One day, I’ll cross that bridge.

One day, I’ll be in my eternal home.

baldtheologian Christian Living

Abram, Forrest Gump, and My Future Plans

Hello dear friends. This is an article to inform you of some changes that are underway at The Bald Theologian. After much prayer and seeking wise counsel, I have decided that my blog will come to an end in 2025. But this doesn’t mean the end to The Bald Theologian.

I definitely believe God is saying to me “Get up, leave your comfort zone, and go that way. I’ll clear things up as you go but for now, trust Me.” As I have come to embrace this unknown journey, I feel like Forrest Gump when he said something like “I didn’t know where I was going, but I was running!” Now it is time to run. At least I know the general direction I’ll be running.

As many of you know (or are about to know), I have been pursuing a PhD in Theological Studies for the past four years. From all indications at the moment, I will defend my dissertation (The Christian’s Relationship to Civil Authorities: A Study in Romans 13:1-7) in 2025. Once my defense is completed and (hopefully) accepted, I’ll be changing the nature of my website and, as a consequence, my blog will come to an end. I won’t have a blog anymore, but I hope to continue to write articles that address issues of importance and make them available like this blog has done for the past 10 or so years.

I am currently working on the necessary paperwork and legal stuff to form a 501(c)3 non-profit organization named The Bald Theologian. The purpose of this ministry is to assist the local church in equipping Christians with a solid, challenging education in theology, biblical studies, and biblical languages. I am currently developing course material for these classes.

The new website will have a LMS (Learning Management System) for the classes I offer. There will be Syllabi, grades (if a student opts in for that), and a forum for interaction between the students and the teacher(s). There will be video lectures (I’m planning 30 hours of lectures per course). I plan on covering each book of the Bible not just a OT/NT survey course. I want to cover each of the 66 books with 30 hours of lecture for each class. I also want to cover every area of systematic theology, Christian ethics, apologetics, and biblical languages.

There is definitely a lot of work to do but I’ll have some free time once my dissertation is put to bed this year. I’m developing my first few courses (Daniel, Revelation, and Galatians). I am fairly certain that the product quality will improve as I have resources to make better recordings, learn to use multimedia stuff to communicate, and have others reviewing the courses for effectiveness, accuracy, and quality.

You may be asking “Why do this with so many Bible Schools and Seminaries around?” Good question.

All the classes and resources on The Bald Theologian are offered at no cost to the student. The classes that I develop will be between a Bachelor’s level and Master’s level for most areas. There will be tests and quizzes, books and other resources offered should the student desire to evaluate their comprehension of the subject matter taught. The courses are not free – they do take money to create, edit, maintain, and improve. But no one who wants an education in the Bible will be charged to take these courses. Why am I choosing this model? Another great question!

Simply put, my conviction is that I should offer the knowledge I have received over my nearly 40 years of being a Christian without financial charge or expectation of remuneration. This conviction is mine and I do not expect anyone else to share it. I do not believe that receiving an income from a full-time ministry is wrong or prohibited in Scripture. Actually Scripture makes clear that a person may indeed receive compensation for their work (1 Tim 5:18). I simply choose a different path.

I work a full-time job so that I can offer whatever knowledge I have to others without having to place a price on it. If somehow God makes possible form to do this type of thing full-time and provide for my family’s needs, then I’m all in. But if God wants to do that, He will. For the time being, I am not planning on soliciting donations (though they will be accepted) or charging any amount for the classes offered. In a very real way, God is my Chief Financial Officer and fundraiser. I figure my faith is about to be tested and stretched again. Regardless of the outcome, my faith will end up strengthened for having made this journey.

I do not want to work independently of the local church but with the local church. I believe I should be under a local church’s authority and held accountable by the elders of that church. I’m not sure how that will work out at this point but it is something I want to happen in some form.

I am well aware that I do not have all knowledge about all areas of theology, biblical studies, or biblical languages. I hope to recruit some top tier men who may not be well known to the world at large but are known by me as excellent teachers who can add to the courses offered at The Bald Theologian. Maybe I can find some real heavyweights who are retired from their teaching ministries that may be willing to help get this off the ground.

But recruiting those individuals is just beginning. I do plan to offer compensation to those who contribute to courses or resources featured in this ministry. Again, I’m working through what that compensation will be, but I do plan to offer something.

This ministry will accept donations but will not solicit them. Because it is a 501(c)3 mom-profit, those who donate will be able to deduct their donation from their taxes. If the donations do not adequately cover the cost of providing the materials, I will use personal funds and/or my retirement account to fund this endeavor.

I am committed to offering a good education for no financial cost to whomever wants it. I am investigating whether I can classify these classes under a formal school and offer degrees. From what I know now, that won’t be possible unless the school is a ministry of a church and offers degrees restricted to theology and biblical studies. But research is ongoing, so that may change.

I also intend to offer seminars on various topics to churches without expecting remuneration. I have no idea where the money for the expenses will come from, but God does and He’ll either provide it or not. Either way, I’m going forward convinced that I have a responsibility share the knowledge I have received with others. This is my final mission in life: to pass the education I have received to those who desire it and will commit to applying it in their lives, and passing iron to others. (2 Tim 2:2). And to glorify God in the process.

Starting this type of work at my age is somewhat intimidating. I’ll 61 in January 2025…where did the years go? I have a few chronic conditions that impact me. Regardless of those issues and how “successful” this work appears to others, I will do this because I do believe it is the next step in my journey following God.

I have been blessed to learn from incredible theologians, linguists, and Bible scholars during my life. I can’t just be a holding tank of information and knowledge. And since my formal education is coming to a close, the time is now to invest in others in a more formal way than I have done in the past.

This ministry is a lot to bite off and chew on. But I’m committed to doing this, even if it means I lose sleep, use up my retirement fund, and have to work a full-time job in addition to the ministry work I will be doing until the day I die. I am convinced this is the direction I need to go. God may redirect me during this journey, but in order to be redirected I need to be moving and be willing to be redirected. I am both.

I ask for your prayers as the months go by and the plans inevitably change to reflect reality instead of my thoughts. Please pray for a godly group for my Board of Directors. Please pray for other qualified teachers to join me on this faith journey, I’m not sure how it will all work out, but i hope it brings glory to God. And that is, dear ones, my purpose on earth – to bring glory to the One who had mercy on me.

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20-21 NASB 1995

baldtheologian Christian Living, The Future

Frustratingly Stuck, the Sovereignty of God, and being Joyfully Broken

First things first

This article actually predates the three previous posts I’ve made recently – After I Die, Life Lessons: Learning to be Teachable, and The Dream is Over. This is really the process I’ve been through over the past months as I’ve tried to figure some things out. I’ve been writing this particular article since January 2024 but didn’t want to publish until I was satisfied with what I was trying to communicate. Due to the nature of the subject, I decided I would not publish until I came to a reasonable and, more importantly, a God-honoring conclusion to my questions and feelings.

Before I get to the subject of the title, I ask you please read the entire article before commenting. This one is long, somewhat raw, but honest. Many of my articles deal with the process I go through in life. While it may look like one thing when an article begins, if you read to the end I hope you see that the end is usually better than the beginning.

I have a wonderful wife and family. I love Beth with every fiber of my being. We met in the fall semester (2000) at Capital Bible Seminary in the class Hebrew Grammar I. Each morning I would enter the seminary building to her joyful “Good morning!” I would acknowledge her with a short “hi” and go off to study with my 7-11 coffee in hand. One morning I stopped to ask her a question. Little did I know then what a simple question about Hebrew syntax one early morning would turn into. She is more wonderful than I can describe. I don’t deserve her. I love her more than I can express. She is my heartbeat…our kids are pretty awesome too. I’m very content and happy with the family God has given me. 

But recently I’ve been wrestling with the feelings of being stuck. I feel stuck in every facet of life right now. Stuck in work, stuck in my dissertation, stuck in spiritual things, stuck in non-spiritual things…geez, everything just feels stuck right now. And has felt stuck for a good bit.

That can be a frustrating feeling. It doesn’t matter where you’re stuck – in a job, in ministry (or out of ministry), or in a place where you’re not satisfied with what you’re doing – being stuck is a helpless feeling. If you think about your stuck position long enough, it gets downright depressing.

Sometimes I look around and see others doing exactly what I thought I would be doing after graduating Seminary 20 years ago. I start to think, “What if …?” But I need to stop asking that question. It’s easy to start the “What if…” game, but playing that game is dangerous too. It can make me feel so unsatisfied, so frustrated.

But I ask the “what if” questions anyway…how dumb is that? Will I ever learn…

I have a desire to be a Pastor again. But the chances of that happening linger somewhere between slim and none. And that breaks my heart. I so want to do that work again. I could live without the nonsense I endured before. But I’ve come to realize that area of ministry is probably closed to me. So here I am – stuck up to my axles in mud and no way out. I don’t blame anyone for my feeling of being stuck. It’s my fault. I drove into the mud. I watched as the mud enveloped me up to my axles.

Feeling Stuck

Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in life? I mean sunk-to-your-axles-in-mud stuck! Ever felt that way? Maybe you know the way to get out of it but for reasons outside your control you simply cannot pursue it. You’re stuck and there is really nothing you can do about it.

I have worked the field of Metrology (measurement science) since 1983. That’s 41 years…and counting. That many years in one field is certainly a long time. There was a time I enjoyed my work. But that time of enjoying measurement science is gone. The company I work for is great and there are plenty of great colleagues there. But I don’t want to do this any longer. There was a time where working in Metrology and doing ministry stuff was great – I’ve been committed to bi-vocational ministry since before I entered seminary. But now I hate it. I feel I’ve been imprisoned by my own convictions. The prison is made of mud and I’m stuck.

Stuck in spiritual things and my service to God

I’m about to finish my Ph.D. in Theological Studies. I should feel excited but I actually feel discouraged. What will I do with that Ph.D.? Will I do more with it than I have with my MDiv in Pastoral Studies? Or maybe more than what I did with my B.S. in Church Ministries?

The way things are going it doesn’t look like I will do more – or even as much as what I’ve done with my other degrees. Maybe I can get a job teaching a college or university course online. But that isn’t what I want to do.

I don’t want to try to do something for God – what could I do for the creator of the universe? Yeah, nothing. But I want to do something that impacts lives in a permanent way. And, for whatever reason, I don’t think I’m doing that right now. I just feel stuck.


Stuck financially

We just can’t seem to get ahead. We aren’t bankrupt or anything like that but, man, the stress involved in making enough to make ends meet these days is rough. Maybe this will change one day, I’m not sure. Taking care of a family of 14 is a heavy lift. Of course, we are not alone with these financial frustrations, but still. I really don’t want this struggle anymore.


Feeling stuck and the Sovereignty of God

I’ve tried to reconcile my feeling stuck status with the sovereignty of God. I’m what I term a “Sovereignty of God” oriented Christian. I believe that God is sovereign over all, in all, and through all. Nothing happens to me except that it is His will for me. He is not mostly sovereign, or kind of sovereign. He is absolutely sovereign, I am not. I am accountable for my decisions and my actions. I’m not sure how His sovereignty and my responsibility work together, but they do.

As I wrestled with this contradiction, a couple os questions came to my mind. These questions seem obvious now but somehow, I missed them before. Maybe I was too focused on being stuck to see them. The obvious questions are…

“Am I really stuck?” “Have I been planted by God somewhere I may not want to be and/or stay?”

Yikes, that is a different issue.

Maybe I’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe asking “What if” is OK if I frame the questions correctly.

Different “What if” Questions

What if…

God has chosen to plant me where I am today?

God has a unique role for me to play in His story?

God has gifted me specifically for this role?

God has chosen me not to conform to an expectation

BUT to the likeness of Christ and, for me, that doesn’t include fulfilling my dreams?

Well, if God is doing these things, why do I feel stuck?

Do I have an answer? Is there an answer?

How about this answer: “Feeling stuck is the symptom of a rebellious heart of a proud man”?

Ouch. I don’t like that answer. But it is the truth.

Realizing, admitting, and embracing that truth changed some things. Actually, it changed everything. I came to understand things in a better way. A more honest way. And hopefully a more God-honoring way.

I’m Broken but not destroyed

God’s purpose is not to make me happy – His purpose is to bring glory to Himself. I play a role in His plan to glorify Himself, and whatever role that is should be enough for me. But when I am focused on my dreams, my aspirations, or my expectations, I will fail to recognize His working in my life. And I will become disillusioned, discouraged, and dissatisfied. I may be broken but I need to remind myself that God is the One breaking me not my circumstances. And yes, that distinction makes a difference.

So what’s next?

When I teach on eschatology, I always tell folks that we should never worry about the timing of the rapture or the end of tis age. What we need to be is ready for whenever that moment comes. Well, the same is true for my life.

I need to accept that perhaps God has decided that my time as a Pastor has ended. My prospects of teaching at a brick and mortar University or Seminary once my Ph.D. is completed is looking bleak as well. I’ll be 61 when I finish and schools typically desire younger guys teaching. If I had oodles of experience and was 61 then that would probably be ok. But trying to get hired as a professor for my first time at 61 doesn’t look great.

My first two options are seemingly not viable. So now what? I have some ideas of what I could do and have begun the process of working toward those things. If that is where God wants me it will take a while to get there. But if He doesn’t want me there, I don’t want to be there.


What is God doing to me…in me?

What is God doing to me, in me, and in my life? I don’t have an answer to that question. What I see around me are the many pieces of my broken heart and my broken life. Shattered dreams, haunting memories, questions abound…But I don’t want to ask “Why?” anymore. I don’t want to ask “what if?” anymore. I simply look around and see the many scraps of my shattered dreams, dashed hopes, unfulfilled expectations., and try to cope.

But I’m reminded of His sovereignty. And because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace my broken heart. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace my brokenness. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace that my dreams are shattered and won’t come true. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace that God’s plan for is not what I wanted – and I know that is a good thing.

I’m where I need to be

I’ve come to the point of total surrender…not just mostly surrendered, or kind of surrendered. I’ve come to the place of complete and utter surrender. Maybe you’ve been there for a while and I’m late to the party. I’ve always held out hope that my dreams would somehow come true…but not anymore. I cannot hang onto my dreams and must embrace His plan – whatever it is – for me.

The place of total surrender is an uncomfortable place to be. It is filled with uncertainty. My past life still haunts me. My present life is resting on the grace of God. My future is not so clear to me. I do know that God has predestined me to be conformed to the image of His Son. The path I am taking is nothing like what my dreams were. It doesn’t look like many others have taken since graduating so many years ago. This path is uncomfortable.

I don’t necessarily like being here. I don’t like admitting I’m broken. I don’t like admitting I’m weak. But the truth is, I am a weak, broken man.

I have nothing to offer other than what God is fashioning me to be. This process of sanctification – being conformed to the likeness of His Son – hurts. I don’t like this place of total surrender. But here I am.

Exactly where I need to be.

baldtheologian Christian Living

After I Die

What will things be like once by body finally stops functioning and ceases to be? Does my world end? Do I miss family and friends I have who are still alive? Do they miss me? I’ve been pondering what life on earth will be like after I’m gone. I’m not trying to be morbid or weird, and I’m not suicidal or anything like that. I have fewer years ahead of me than I have behind me and that fact has me thinking about things a bit.

I know that one day my body will cease to function. We refer tot his as death. But death isn’t really about life ending – it is more about separation. The reason for this is because my life won’t end – and neither will yours – once my body dies. I will simply be separated. I will be separated from my physical body and those whose immaterial and material are still united. 

After I die I’m sure the sun will appear in the eastern sky. Birds will sing somewhere. The earth will continue to spin on its axis and continue its trek around the sun. After I die rain will fall, the sun will shine, folks will laugh, cry, and fall in love. In other words, life on earth will continue without me. And frankly, in the grand scheme of things I won’t be missed. I think, for the most part, I’m a forgettable kind of guy.

After I die my body will either be cremated or buried in the earth. I will no longer exchange gases in my lungs. I won’t be hugging my children, hugging my wife, saying hello to my friends and family. I won’t be driving my Mustang, paying bills, or being frustrated with the person I am. I will no longer lament things the way I so often do today. Life will go on, but my new life will be different

And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment

Hebrews 9:27 NASB1995

After I die I will appear before my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I will be before Him to be judged for my life here on earth. I will be judged for the works I have performed – whether those works are good, bad, or indifferent. A major difference in this judgment and the judgments we often experience on earth is that the judgment of Christ will center on my motives for the works I performed and not just the work itself. Hmm.

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ,
so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the
body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.

1 Corinthians 5:10 NASB1995

A man once told me he wanted all the rewards that could be had in heaven. He wanted everything. He was quite open that his motivation for doing good works was for the reward and not necessarily because he loved Christ. My only comment then was “Wow!”. It wasn’t a “wow that’s great” kind of “wow”. It was “wow, I’m not sure what to think about that attitude” kind of “wow”.

After I die, what about me? What will my judgment before Christ be like? Am I doing the right things for the right reasons? What are my motivations? Am I doing things to be recognized by others or because I’m so in love with Christ? Can I trust what I think are my motivations? I try to do things the right way with the right reasons motivating me. I try not to do things to get attention or accolades of others. I think I do. 

Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each man’s work will 
become evident; for the day will show it because it is to 
be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality 
of each man’s work. If any man’s work which he has built
on it remains, he will receive a reward.If any man’s work 
is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, 
yet so as through fire.

 I Corinthians 3:12-15 NASB1995

 I have no illusions about who I am. I hate me. I am a wretched man, filled with pride, and discontentment. I have committed unspeakably bad acts in my life and struggle with the memory of what I have done. I am as corrupt and failed as any other person – maybe more. I know that my heart is “desperately wicked”. 

I scoff at my “achievements” and am often dissatisfied with my station in life. I want to be someone else…anyone else but me. I long for the day to be released from this mortal body of mine. One day I won’t struggle with sin, or be dissatisfied, or frustrated.. 

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all.

 I Timothy 1:15 NASB1995

In many ways, I welcome death. After I die, I won’t “what if” myself to death. After I die, I won’t be frustrated by my old man. After I die, I won’t sin. My frustrating life will be over. After I die, I will no longer review past things done or not done. After I die, I will have no regrets. After I die, I will no longer feel pain, whether that pain is physical, emotional, or spiritual. One day I will be perfectly and completely sanctified. 

After I die I will be judged for the many deeds I performed on earth. I’m sure I will suffer some loss when Christ judges me. But I do know that I will escape God’s wrath for eternity because of what Christ did for me. Whatever form Christ’s judgment of me takes – whatever the rewards or loss I suffer – I will finally be satisfied with where I am. Whatever station I am assigned for eternity, I will fully embrace it because He has fully embraced me. 

 

But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come 
about the saying that is written, “Death is swallowed up in 
victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where 
is your sting?”The sting of death is sin, and the power of 
sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory 
through our Lord Jesus Christ.

I Corinthians 15:54-17 NASB1995

No more struggle. 

No more sin. 

No more defeat.

No more death.

After I die, I will finally live.

baldtheologian Christian Living

Living the Dream

I’m 60 years old and have multiple medical issues. Any one of them could cut short my expected lifespan but I have two or three of these things. I’m on the back 9 of this life. Lately I have been reflecting on the years I have lived. I’m not looking over the years I’ve spent on earth in a sad way, just in a nostalgic way. I like nostalgia. Looking back on my life is good…as long as it doesn’t control my present.

I have been fortunate to have brothers and sisters that love me in spite of myself. We all grew up in the same home where chaos was the norm. Most of us enlisted in the Marine Corps or in some other way figured out how to leave home at 18. We haven’t always agreed or even liked each other…but I think we all loved each other. I think our parents loved us. My relationship with my parents (both biological and “step”) is a bit complicated. I’ll leave further explanation alone for now. I grew up in some unique situations that still influence me to this day. But I digress…

Life has a way of changing our dreams. My grand plan had me serving in the Corps for 20 or 30 years. I wanted to be a Drill Instructor and, someday, SgtMaj. of the Marine Corps. I was also considering becoming an officer through an enlisted commissioning program my CO had recommend me to participate. I thought that trying to become Commandant (4 Star General) would be as cool as being SgtMaj of the Marine Corps. Nothing like goals, huh! My dream was to live and die in the Marine Corps. Well, on my way to SgtMaj (or Commandant), I got injured and my career came to a rather sudden and unceremonious end. I left the Maine Corps broken – both physically and emotionally. I was spent.

My first years following the Corps was spent in Southern California. I had a number of civilian friends there through my church. I liked hanging with them for the most part. And I wanted to see if I could survive “on my own”. I worked, played, worshipped God, and generally enjoyed my time in SoCal. I owned a business for a while (until one of my partners ran off with the ENTIRE bank account!). I worked a few other jobs here and there until I moved to Virginia following my dad’s death.

I always thought that working at the primary standards level of Metrology would be the greatest experience and near the top of my career. Until NIST (The National Institute of Standards and Technology) showed interest in me. Not once. Not twice. But thrice! Three times they asked me to apply to work there. Each time I said no – except the last one because they were in the midst of a reduction in force and were not permitted to hire me. I felt I had missed out on my dream. Following this third opportunity, everything went downhill at the Navy standards lab where I worked. If it could go wrong, it did. I was so tired and so worn out by the nonsensical politics of some who had been chosen to demonstrate the Peter Principle. My young family was being affected, not in a good way. My wonderful wife stood with me as I struggled not only with the work nonsense but also difficulties at our church at the time. Add to that my untreated severe depression…well, lets just say life was pretty ugly – or sort seemed pretty ugly.

We eventually left our church over a doctrinal issue and found our current home church. We settled in there and found places to serve. In 2011 we left there to plant a church about 15 miles or so away. I also began a new job that was closer to home. We started the new plant with 4 families, grew to about 110 or so in 6 months, then were split and died. To say the experience was difficult is an understatement. My wife and family were once again standing with me. But the stress…man, the stress. I remember the support and wise counsel of my theology professor, Dr. Jim Mook, and the love, concern, prayers, and words of support and encouragement both he and his wife Nancy Mook gave me. We returned to our home church (where we are now). I was broken emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I thought I’d never smile again. My dream became a nightmare. I was done.

We have been at our home church again for 12 years (I think) since the death of Main Street Bible Church. I have tried my best to live a quiet life at our home church, not demanding anything from the Pastor. Me, my wife, and my family try our best to serve wherever there is a need. Of course I have some preferences. I love pulpit ministry and have told our Pastor that whenever (and wherever) he needs me, I am willing. I don’t ask for pulpit time, I’m just willing to fill in when he needs me to fill in. We have been clear that we are at Westminster Bible Church to serve in whatever capacity needed. We want to be for our Pastor, his wife, and our church family what those who split our plant were not for us and those in that fellowship. I hope we have been a blessing and not a distraction.

I started pursuing a Ph.D. in 2020 or so. I was convinced God wanted me to continue my formal education though I wasn’t sure what I could do with it considering my age. During my time working on the coursework, trying to learn enough German and French to pass the qualifying exams, and work full time with an already large family, we were blessed to be the recipients of four bonus children whose parents needed some help. I don’t regret the decision to open our home to these four kids. I hope we have made a difference in their lives. Now I’m at the end of my Ph.D. studies – all my coursework was completed sometime ago, my comprehensive review of theology was completed last year. I’ve had some challenges to completing my dissertation. I’ve had Covid-19, two major back surgeries, financial hardships (near bankruptcy), among other things. If this was pursuing my dream, I wanted to stop!

We’ve had challenges in our family as well as blessings. I’ve watched my “little girl” Moriah graduate from high school and blossom into such a beautiful young lady. She teaches dance and is quite the talented dancer. My first son, Daniel, graduated and is now getting ready for his sophomore year in College. He has turned into such a great guy. Joseph has graduated from Emergency Services training before graduating high school. He has an EMT course left and when he completes that course, he will have 20 college credits (University of Maryland) before he graduates high school. Ellie has a business of her own in her teens. Hannah is doing better than OK in gymnastics, she is fantastic. She made it to the regional championships for Level 7 the first year they have had regional championships available for level 7. She is ready for next year. Noel is involved in volleyball and is progressing well. Charis is a beautiful dancer and is prospering there. Lainey is still our little firecracker and I can’t wait to see what God does with her. Our four bonus kids are doing well and hopefully will continue to make strides.

In some ways, as I have looked over the past 60 years on God’s earth, I could be disappointed. My life is nowhere near what I dreamed it would be. I had an abbreviated time in the Corps, never sniffing anything near SgtMaj. I didn’t even make the Sgt. part of my goal. Or Commandant should I had become an officer. So many dreams I had – then my modified ones of owning a business, working at a high level in Measurement Science, a chance to work at NIST, a Master’s Degree and now, perhaps, a Ph.D. After thinking about all these things, I realized something very important. My dream never really about that “stuff” as good as that “stuff” is.

I was sitting in our dining room and the entire family was at the dinner table. I think we were either eating dinner of a evening snack. That doesn’t matter. What matters is everyone was laughing, joking, and carrying on. We really enjoyed being around each other. Seeing this, I had a thought…I’m living the dream!

Though dreams of my youth did not work out, I’m living my dream now. I get to serve God in a meaningful way. I have a wife I adore and simply can’t live without. I have a bunch of kids who God has blessed. They have each turned out beautifully not so much because of me but in spite of me. I see God actively working in my life and in the lives of my wife and children. The challenges we have faced together – the frustrations, the heartache, and the losses – each pale in comparison to seeing God actively engaged with my family. To see this connection through Jesus Christ is more than wonderful. I’m more than happy. I’m more than joyful. I’m living the dream.

I’m living my dream.

baldtheologian Christian Living

The Dream is Over

In the early 1970’s John Lennon released a song titled “God”.  It was quite the negative song which listed all the things that Lennon never believed in or no longer believed in. There was a list of things, concepts, and people that fell into this category of unbelief by Lennon. It included personalities like Elvis, God, and Kennedy. The list of those who Lennon no longer believed in ended with Beatles, the super group Lennon co-founded with Paul McCartney in Liverpool, England. After stating he no longer believes in the Beatles, Lennon rather sadly sings  the lyrics “Dream is over, what can I say. Dream is over.” It is quite the bummer song.

A good portion of my adult life has been dedicated to learning God’s word so that I could accurately teach it and preach it to others. My goal was (and is) to serve God unreservedly with the gifts He has given me. My dream and goal has been to be a Pastor who equips Christians to serve God and to know the word of God more than just a surface knowledge. 

I have prepared to do these things by working towards and earning various degrees that have challenged me to learn more than I thought I could ever learn. If everything goes well, I will earn my Ph.D. in Theological Studies this year (2024).

I figure I have prepared as much as possible to be that Pastor who equips Christians well. But there is just one little issue…I’m not a Pastor. And it doesn’t look like I’ll be a Pastor anytime soon.

I was a Pastor – a Lead Pastor at that – years ago. But that ended in a church split and then a church death. After the church I pastored died, I withdrew from Pastoral ministry, thinking I would never want to be a Pastor ever again. The experience I lived through was THAT bad. The harassment, lies about me, the smearing of my character, and the stress that was placed on me and my family, really did poison my view of pastoral ministry. Am I like John Lennon after the Beatles broke up…is the dream over? Is there nothing else to say about it?

Maybe you find yourself in a similar situation to mine. Maybe you, like me, want to serve God in some way that seems impossible right now. Maybe you’re thinking your dream is over. But your dream of serving God is not over. At least it isn’t until God says so. And since you are still alive, God has not yet shut the door on your service to Him.

I’ve learned quite a bit I’m my nearly 40 years as a Christian. I think the most important thing I have learned is that we dream — and prepare — to serve God in our time. God opens doors to service in His time. And His time – and His timing – is most definitely not the same as ours.

My service to God at this time is to support God’s assembly at Westminster Bible Church. I teach when I have opportunity. I preach when I have opportunity. My opportunities are dictated by God, not me. I don’t ask for these opportunities. I simply say I’m available for whatever is needed.

I am convinced that I should not try to do something grand for God. I am convinced that I am to be available to Him for whatever He wants me to do — whether that thing is great, small, or nearly invisible. 

So my dream of serving God as a Pastor may indeed be over. But it may not be over. I don’t control that. But my dream of serving God with all of me and all of the gifts He has given me is in no uncertain terms alive and well. And so is your dream of serving God. 

We should never try to put our service to God in a box by saying “I expect to serve You in this particular way and won’t serve  you in any other way.” I think an attitude like that is exactly what God is NOT looking for in His servants. 

So whether I serve God as  a lay person teaching classes here and there, or as a full-time Pastor, assistant/associate Pastor, or as some other role or position, I will serve God with every fiber of my being. And so should you.

Unlike John Lennon, my dream is not over. I still believe in God and still believe God has a specific purpose for me living today. All I need to do is to be open to serve in whatever role He has for me. 

baldtheologian Christian Living, Habits of the Holy

Seeking Justice or Giving Grace

When wronged, which better describes you: A justice seeker or a Grace granter? The answer to this question, though difficult, is important.

 

Have you ever been lied about? I bet you have. I sure have. Sometimes those lies are little and don’t amount to much. But sometimes the lies can be quite large and really affect you. These lies can be considered defamation of character in many states.

When this happens – and I hope it doesn’t happen to you – what should a Christian’s response be? Should a Christian retain  an attorney and sue? Or should a Christian simply let it go on by.

And what should one do about the anger that comes with this? Oh, the anger!

But now, a few Scripture verses are flying through my heart and head…

BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger…Ephesians 4:26 NASB

So I’m angry about this, but am I sinning? Well, lets consider this little gem from James

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:17 NASB

So what is the right thing to do. There is my desire for justice and vindication of an egregious lie. But there is also my impulse to show grace and mercy and walk away from it. Someone once said

 But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either.  Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.  Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.  If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.  If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.  If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is thatto you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:27 – 36 NASB

When I juxtapose my desire for justice with the verses above, I admit I struggle with what I should do. And I admit I’m not sure which way I’m going to end up going.

I can sue for defamation of character for the big lies that hurt or smear my name. If I do this, I can win and receive a little vindication.

I can also decide to show mercy and compassion, not sue, not win, and not be vindicated by my acts.

I’ve decided to share my journey into this decision with you. For the next few weeks I will write about what I am thinking, what the Lord is showing me and, hopefully, the decision that I make in the end.

So what happens when we are wronged and our desire for justice collides with our impulse to show grace and mercy? I think we’re going to find out soon…and in the process, maybe we can learn something about ourselves and our desires.

 

baldtheologian Christian Living, Uncategorized

The Chalk Outline

I watch the old TV series “Columbo” as much as possible. I really enjoy it. As I am writing this article I’m watching an episode from season three (I have the entire series on DVD). For those who never watched it, it was made in the early 1970’s. It was about this brilliant detective who was less than stellar in his appearance. Even though he often played the fool, he always solved the crime. And every crime on this show was a murder. You see Columbo was a homicide detective. He was great.

When Columbo would come to a murder site, the police would sometimes draw a chalk outline where the body had been after it had been removed. It was a reminder that there once someone there. In one way, it was the shadow of that person.

When we die – and we all will – the life we lived could be marked with a chalk outline showing where we touched. I wonder, when I’m dead, where will my chalk outline be.

I’ve lived a rather full and eventful life. I’ve accomplished much in my 54 years on God’s earth. Some of those accomplishments have been pretty good. Others not so good. And still others have been downright bad. One thing they all have in common is that they were accomplished by me.

As I draw nearer to eternity I wonder what I will leave behind. What will my chalk outline be? Will it be a good one or a bad one? How will my friends remember me? My enemies? My family? My church? How will I be remembered…

I’ve come to one conclusion regarding my legacy. I’ve decided and truly hope that my legacy does not include me.

I really don’t want to be remembered. In fact I hope I’m forgotten rather easily. You see, I don’t think my greatest legacy should be that I am remembered as this or that type of person. My greatest hope is that my legacy will be that more people will remember my Savior and what He does than what I did in His name.

I hope that my life’s work will be pointing others to Christ, not to myself. I hope I live in such a way that I have a legacy that is devoid of my, and full of my Savior. Will I do that? I don’t know. What I do know is that the words of John the Baptist ring in my ears each day as I rise and as I go to bed…

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30 NASB

I must – MUST – decrease.

I hope I accomplish this.

baldtheologian Christian Living

A Life Well Lived

I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. 2 Timothy 4:1-5 NASB

 

I was sitting outside a restaurant in Brea, California in November of 1997. I had flown to California for some training for my new job in Virginia. I had lived in California from 1983 until 1997. When I found out I was going back for a week I decided to call two of my closest friends to see if they would like to have dinner. They said sure and I was waiting on them.

I had been diagnosed with type 1 (insulin dependent) diabetes earlier in 1997. I found out by nearly dying from it. I am still not sure how I did not die – actually the reason I didn’t die is because God didn’t want me to die. Anyway, back to my evening in California.

I sat outside the restaurant waiting on my friends to arrive. I had mixed my insulin for my evening dose, which I would take when we sat down to eat. The timing of one’s insulin dose is important so it is peaking when blood sugar after eating is peaking. I was gently rolling  my syringe between my fingers to warm the insulin (my insulin was stored in a cold pack. Injecting cold insulin is not a fun experience). I could not believe what happened next.

A young man came up and asked me if he could sit next to me. I said I didn’t mind. He sat down and introduced himself. I don’t remember his name but I do remember him. He looked at me and began a conversation.

“I’d like to share some information with you, if thats ok.”

“Sure” I said.

“Well first” he began “I want to say that I am not judging you for your addiction”

I responded “My addict-”

Before I could finish he jumped back in saying “I see the syringe in your hand. I know what you are going to do. I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to do this.”

I smiled, figuring he mistook my insulin for some kind of illegal drug. “You don’t understand.” I said.

“Yes I do” he protected. “I was once addicted too but God delivered me and He can deliver you too.”

“Wait, wait. You really don’t understand. I need this to live.” I said.

He replied “I said the same thing when I was nailing up [slang IV drug users sometimes use to describe injecting heroin]. But I’m here to say, you don’t need that drug. You need Jesus.”

Well this little disagreement continued for a few more minutes until I finally said “Dude, I’m a type 1 diabetic This is insulin. See, I have a prescription for this [showing him my insulin vials]. I’m a Christian. Been one since December 2, 1984.”

He grimaced a bit. He looked sheepishly at me and apologized for his mistaking me as a drug addict. Before he could finish his apology, I stopped him and thanked him for his boldness. We talked a few more minutes, I assured him I wasn’t offended by his conduct but encouraged by it. I thanked him again for being willing to share Christ with a stranger apparently in need.

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I wonder how many of us – me included – are willing to risk embarrassment like this young guy did? Are we willing to share Christ with anyone we see, risking we may share with someone who is already a Christian? Or maybe we are worried the person we share with will be openly hostile to the Gospel. Whatever our fear, we need to get over them and share Christ to all who cross our paths – yes, that includes those e disagree with on silly issues like politics.

People around me may give me flack for sharing the Gospel. They may laugh at me for believing it. Because I am a Christian, I have not received promotions and being a Christian contributed to my losing one job. I chose not to sue or strike out against that employer because I feel like that kind of treatment is part and parcel of being a Christian.

I don’t want to live a life that is camouflaged. I don’t want people to wonder if I belong to Christ or not. My life – all aspects of it – should preach the Gospel.

Don’t just preach the Gospel with your words. Preach it with your life. And don’t just think that living an outwardly moral life is OK. Preach the Gospel with your mouth too. Really, it is as simple as Paul wrote to Timothy: be always preaching, be always ready, be always teaching sound doctrine, and know those who don’t want to hear, won’t.

In doing this simple thing, we can be assured that we will live a life well-lived, regardless of the bumps along the way. And maybe, just maybe, we will meet someone on a bench and bless them with our boldness and forever leave a mark on them.

 

 

baldtheologian Christian Living, God's Radical Grace

A Stranger at the Throne

If you thought that I had everything together and didn’t struggle like everyone does, this article will surely shatter that image of me. If you realize that I am the same as you – a pilgrim trying to make it through life – perhaps you can understand this. 

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Life is a blur sometimes for my family. Shoot, often it is a blur. We are so busy we barely have time to think much less anything else. With all our commitments, responsibilities, and other stuff we barely have time to relate to each other. It seems sometimes we are strangers in our own home. And if my wife and I are having trouble finding time to  speak to each other because of the busy nature of life, how in the world do I relate and speak to God each day. You know, that prayer thing. Have I become a stranger to God’s throne?

Ouch.

Sin is a cruel master. A very cruel master.

Last week I hurt my wife and my marriage (before you speculate, I didn’t have an affair or strike my wife  but hurt her and crossed a line I shouldn’t have). It was inexcusable and indefensible. But it was entirely predictable result of my becoming a stranger to God’s throne because I became too busy with life that I forgot to commune daily with my Life-giving Father in heaven. How did tis happen?

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Sixty hours at work per week. One hour commute to work. One hour commute from work. Responsibilities here. Responsibilities there. This ministry. That ministry. An event today, tomorrow, and the next day. Football practice, basketball practice, gymnastics, and dance. A blog article is due. Gotta finish that manuscript outline. Study? Oh yeah, I need to study…and pray. But I’m busy.

Too busy…

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I have apologized to my wife, asked her forgiveness, and taken steps to prevent the sin from repeating itself. My wife has forgiven me and we are working to repair the damage I inflicted on her and our marriage.

Now I need to approach God’s throne. I feel like I don’t belong.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30 NASB

Jesus invites us to come to Him with all the burdens and labors we bear. I have no doubt these burdens included the unbiblical rules and regulations that the religious leaders placed on the people of that time. I also believe that these burdens – at least as an application – can include the burdens we often carry from previously forgiven sin. Like the burden I now carry.

Will I listen to His invitation and meet Him in His throne room? Will I shrink back, hide, and cower in shame and disgust at my sin? I wish I could answer those questions. But right now, I just don’t know what I will do.

Satan is having a good time with right now. He is working overtime accusing me of this and that. He is reminding me of my past and my present. He sure is good at making me understand just how sinful I am. He is trying to discourage me. And he is doing a pretty good job of accomplishing that…

“Come to me…”

I clearly hear Christ’s call to come to Him. I just don’t want to go right now.

I’m broken.

I feel humiliated.

I’m hurt.

I feel just plain wrong.

How can I approach my holy God – the Holy One seen in Isaiah 6 – with this sin? How can I bear to see Him? How can I allow Him to see me?

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:14 – 16 NASB

I know, I know. All I have to do is repent (done), ask forgiveness (done), and it will be granted to me. After all, that is what the Cross accomplished, right? All my sins were washed away. Yeah, I know ’em all. If I was counseling someone as a Pastor, I would be quoting them left and right. I’d be reassuring the one I’m counseling of God’s forgiveness if he repented.

But this one…this one really hurts. I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I hurt my wife. The woman who has stood by me through thick and thin. She has endured things that I’m sure others know nothing about. And now this. I feel like I need to be beaten more. I feel that I need to do something and not just move on.

Forgiveness of my sin is granted at the Cross. Though I do not feel  forgiven, I am forgiven. You see, there is sometimes a lag between the granting of forgiveness and the realization that forgiveness has already been received. My sin wasn’t just committed by the act (again, not a physical thing). It began to work in me as I drifted from the throne room of God. That was a mistake I hope I never make again.

“Come to me…”

“…receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need…”

My burdens have already been lifted. My sin already forgiven. I have received mercy and grace in my time of need. To believe anything less would cheapen the Cross. It would deny the power of Christ’s sacrifice. Now I just need to realize these things are true.

Just realize it.

This is going to be tough.