baldtheologian Christian Living, The Future

That Bridge is Getting Closer

From August 10, 1982 until November 2, 1982 I was aboard Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, SC. That base is where all east coast recruits attend their recruit training to determine if they pack the gear to become a United States Marine. Not everyone who tries to become a Marine actually becomes a Marine. After all, the Marine Corps is not the Air Force where everyone wins a prize.

Marine Boot Camp is long and arduous. It has changed in the 40-plus years since I attended and graduated. I have no doubt it is challenging to this generation of young people trying to become Marines. I never want the Marine Corps recruit training to become easy – I want recruit training to be difficult because being a Marine is something special. It is something very special to me and all Marines who have served and are serving. The facts are, not just anyone can become a Marine. After all, the Marine Corps is not the Air Force. Or the Navy. Or the Army. Or the Space Force. The Marine Corps is unique. We are elite. And we are not shy about sharing those facts.

Back when I was at Parris Island, I was part of 1st Battalion, “B” Company. I was in Platoon 1071. My platoon was pretty terrible at everything. I was not the best recruit in our platoon. I was probably one of the lower performing ones. But I could do a few things at a high level. I could fight and I could run. I also could learn everything else I needed to know to become a Marine.

Each evening while I was on Parris Island, a friend of mine (Private Sheriff) and I would look out the portholes (windows) over the swamp behind our barracks. We could see the lights on the bridge that led off the Island. Each night either I or Sheriff would say “That bridges getting closer.” It was our way of dealing with the seemingly endless trial of Boot Camp. On graduation day – 2 November 1982 – I remarked to Sheriff as we formed up to march to graduation: “That bridge is here.” He smiled. I smiled. Then we marched off to graduate and become Marines.

Ever since then I have always used the phrase “That bridge is getting closer” anytime I was faced with a task that seemed endless and difficult. I use it to encourage myself and remind myself that any journey worth taking is worth being diligent in taking it. I cannot give up. I cannot surrender.

My last post was about changes coming in the months ahead. I have been working on getting all the paperwork necessary to make the school I envision a reality. Writing the by laws and constitution, coming up with a decent name, recruiting a Board of Directors and faculty, is proving to be a bit difficult. In my research I discovered that for a religiously-exempt school to grant degrees in the State of Maryland, the school has to be owned by a non-profit (check), be religiously focused (check), grant degrees only in the field of focus like Bible, Theology, etc.(check), and have $250,000.00 in assets AND their assets must exceed their liabilities (ugh). I was feeling pretty good about my progress toward this school until I hit encountered the financial requirements. But I’m not discouraged and I’m not quitting.

I will continue to plug along and do what is necessary to set up the school as a non-profit, religious charity. I am doing that so that those who want to contribute its mission can get a benefit (tax deduction) for doing so.

Since I want the school to be tuition free, I need to find other ways to fund it. Having the faculty and various administrative personnel raise their own support is one way. Taking in donations from others is another. I really don’t want to charge tuition for the classes. Too many people don’t pursue a decent biblical education because of the cost involved. My Seminary degree cost about $30,000.00…that is a heavy life for anyone. I want to avoid that is at all possible.

Though the road from where I am today nowhere I want to be in future is filled with unknown twists and turns, unknown potholes, and perhaps even a surprise or two, I can say without a doubt that “That bridge is getting closer.”

I’m closer to getting off this Island to my destination. I’m closer to teaching a rigorous course of study in the Bible and Theology. I’m on-track to defend my dissertation (The Christian’s Relationship to Government: A Study in Romans 13:1-7) in 2025. By all appearances I should top out at between 98,000 and 102,000 words. That will be between 392 and 410 pages dedicated to how we should translate, interpret, and apply to life one Greek term. Wow. I’m making progress. That bridge is getting closer…

I have set down my preliminary courses that will be offered. There’s 42 of them currently. They range from the practicals of discipleship to the nitty-gritty of theology and the biblical languages. I cover every book in the Bible, every area of theology, the biblical languages, and a few extras as well. I’m not finished with that list yet.

I have recruited two other men who will be teaching with me. Both have Master’s degrees. I’m hoping to find some other men willing to teach who have at least a Master’s degree in the Bible/Theology/etc. I have a couple of men in mind but haven’t approached them yet. I have two spots on the Board of Directors still open if my other three directors actually come to fruition. Then there are the offices of President, Vice President, Academic Affairs, and Business Manager i need to find. I need to find those who are willing to volunteer their work or raise their own support to fill those roles. They’re out there – I just need to find them.

I guess I could be discouraged with what looks like a harder, steeper climb than I initially thought. But for some strange reason I’m not. If this takes longer, changes form, or changes in some other way, I’m good with that. My initial vision may not come to pass. But I do know this: whatever I have left in my tank, I’m going to use to glorify God. If it is in an academic role, that’s fine. If it is in the layman’s role I have now teaching at my church, that’s fine. That bridge is getting closer. And I am encouraged by that.

Just like I reminded my friend in Boot Camp that the bridge off Parris Island got closer each day, the bridge off this Island of life is getting closer every day. One day I’ll cross that bridge and set foot in my eternal home.

That bridge doesn’t lead me to another ministry. That bridge doesn’t lead me to another phase of life. It doesn’t lead me to another role. That bridge I see is the one that leads me to my heavenly home. The road I’m on and the training I’m receiving and giving – the hopes, the joys, the successes and failures – all contribute to that day when I will stand before my Savior and receive the judgment I deserve. On that day I will see my work either be burned up like wood, hay, or stubble or watch it get refined like gold or silver. I hope there is a little gold for me to show my Savior. After judgment, I will enter into my eternal home with my eternal assignment. Though the road is a bit tough today, I shall not surrender. I shall not stop working. I will be finished one day, and I’ll stop.

One day, I’ll cross that bridge.

One day, I’ll be in my eternal home.

baldtheologian Christian Living

Abram, Forrest Gump, and My Future Plans

Hello dear friends. This is an article to inform you of some changes that are underway at The Bald Theologian. After much prayer and seeking wise counsel, I have decided that my blog will come to an end in 2025. But this doesn’t mean the end to The Bald Theologian.

I definitely believe God is saying to me “Get up, leave your comfort zone, and go that way. I’ll clear things up as you go but for now, trust Me.” As I have come to embrace this unknown journey, I feel like Forrest Gump when he said something like “I didn’t know where I was going, but I was running!” Now it is time to run. At least I know the general direction I’ll be running.

As many of you know (or are about to know), I have been pursuing a PhD in Theological Studies for the past four years. From all indications at the moment, I will defend my dissertation (The Christian’s Relationship to Civil Authorities: A Study in Romans 13:1-7) in 2025. Once my defense is completed and (hopefully) accepted, I’ll be changing the nature of my website and, as a consequence, my blog will come to an end. I won’t have a blog anymore, but I hope to continue to write articles that address issues of importance and make them available like this blog has done for the past 10 or so years.

I am currently working on the necessary paperwork and legal stuff to form a 501(c)3 non-profit organization named The Bald Theologian. The purpose of this ministry is to assist the local church in equipping Christians with a solid, challenging education in theology, biblical studies, and biblical languages. I am currently developing course material for these classes.

The new website will have a LMS (Learning Management System) for the classes I offer. There will be Syllabi, grades (if a student opts in for that), and a forum for interaction between the students and the teacher(s). There will be video lectures (I’m planning 30 hours of lectures per course). I plan on covering each book of the Bible not just a OT/NT survey course. I want to cover each of the 66 books with 30 hours of lecture for each class. I also want to cover every area of systematic theology, Christian ethics, apologetics, and biblical languages.

There is definitely a lot of work to do but I’ll have some free time once my dissertation is put to bed this year. I’m developing my first few courses (Daniel, Revelation, and Galatians). I am fairly certain that the product quality will improve as I have resources to make better recordings, learn to use multimedia stuff to communicate, and have others reviewing the courses for effectiveness, accuracy, and quality.

You may be asking “Why do this with so many Bible Schools and Seminaries around?” Good question.

All the classes and resources on The Bald Theologian are offered at no cost to the student. The classes that I develop will be between a Bachelor’s level and Master’s level for most areas. There will be tests and quizzes, books and other resources offered should the student desire to evaluate their comprehension of the subject matter taught. The courses are not free – they do take money to create, edit, maintain, and improve. But no one who wants an education in the Bible will be charged to take these courses. Why am I choosing this model? Another great question!

Simply put, my conviction is that I should offer the knowledge I have received over my nearly 40 years of being a Christian without financial charge or expectation of remuneration. This conviction is mine and I do not expect anyone else to share it. I do not believe that receiving an income from a full-time ministry is wrong or prohibited in Scripture. Actually Scripture makes clear that a person may indeed receive compensation for their work (1 Tim 5:18). I simply choose a different path.

I work a full-time job so that I can offer whatever knowledge I have to others without having to place a price on it. If somehow God makes possible form to do this type of thing full-time and provide for my family’s needs, then I’m all in. But if God wants to do that, He will. For the time being, I am not planning on soliciting donations (though they will be accepted) or charging any amount for the classes offered. In a very real way, God is my Chief Financial Officer and fundraiser. I figure my faith is about to be tested and stretched again. Regardless of the outcome, my faith will end up strengthened for having made this journey.

I do not want to work independently of the local church but with the local church. I believe I should be under a local church’s authority and held accountable by the elders of that church. I’m not sure how that will work out at this point but it is something I want to happen in some form.

I am well aware that I do not have all knowledge about all areas of theology, biblical studies, or biblical languages. I hope to recruit some top tier men who may not be well known to the world at large but are known by me as excellent teachers who can add to the courses offered at The Bald Theologian. Maybe I can find some real heavyweights who are retired from their teaching ministries that may be willing to help get this off the ground.

But recruiting those individuals is just beginning. I do plan to offer compensation to those who contribute to courses or resources featured in this ministry. Again, I’m working through what that compensation will be, but I do plan to offer something.

This ministry will accept donations but will not solicit them. Because it is a 501(c)3 mom-profit, those who donate will be able to deduct their donation from their taxes. If the donations do not adequately cover the cost of providing the materials, I will use personal funds and/or my retirement account to fund this endeavor.

I am committed to offering a good education for no financial cost to whomever wants it. I am investigating whether I can classify these classes under a formal school and offer degrees. From what I know now, that won’t be possible unless the school is a ministry of a church and offers degrees restricted to theology and biblical studies. But research is ongoing, so that may change.

I also intend to offer seminars on various topics to churches without expecting remuneration. I have no idea where the money for the expenses will come from, but God does and He’ll either provide it or not. Either way, I’m going forward convinced that I have a responsibility share the knowledge I have received with others. This is my final mission in life: to pass the education I have received to those who desire it and will commit to applying it in their lives, and passing iron to others. (2 Tim 2:2). And to glorify God in the process.

Starting this type of work at my age is somewhat intimidating. I’ll 61 in January 2025…where did the years go? I have a few chronic conditions that impact me. Regardless of those issues and how “successful” this work appears to others, I will do this because I do believe it is the next step in my journey following God.

I have been blessed to learn from incredible theologians, linguists, and Bible scholars during my life. I can’t just be a holding tank of information and knowledge. And since my formal education is coming to a close, the time is now to invest in others in a more formal way than I have done in the past.

This ministry is a lot to bite off and chew on. But I’m committed to doing this, even if it means I lose sleep, use up my retirement fund, and have to work a full-time job in addition to the ministry work I will be doing until the day I die. I am convinced this is the direction I need to go. God may redirect me during this journey, but in order to be redirected I need to be moving and be willing to be redirected. I am both.

I ask for your prayers as the months go by and the plans inevitably change to reflect reality instead of my thoughts. Please pray for a godly group for my Board of Directors. Please pray for other qualified teachers to join me on this faith journey, I’m not sure how it will all work out, but i hope it brings glory to God. And that is, dear ones, my purpose on earth – to bring glory to the One who had mercy on me.

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20-21 NASB 1995

baldtheologian Christian Living, The Future

Frustratingly Stuck, the Sovereignty of God, and being Joyfully Broken

First things first

This article actually predates the three previous posts I’ve made recently – After I Die, Life Lessons: Learning to be Teachable, and The Dream is Over. This is really the process I’ve been through over the past months as I’ve tried to figure some things out. I’ve been writing this particular article since January 2024 but didn’t want to publish until I was satisfied with what I was trying to communicate. Due to the nature of the subject, I decided I would not publish until I came to a reasonable and, more importantly, a God-honoring conclusion to my questions and feelings.

Before I get to the subject of the title, I ask you please read the entire article before commenting. This one is long, somewhat raw, but honest. Many of my articles deal with the process I go through in life. While it may look like one thing when an article begins, if you read to the end I hope you see that the end is usually better than the beginning.

I have a wonderful wife and family. I love Beth with every fiber of my being. We met in the fall semester (2000) at Capital Bible Seminary in the class Hebrew Grammar I. Each morning I would enter the seminary building to her joyful “Good morning!” I would acknowledge her with a short “hi” and go off to study with my 7-11 coffee in hand. One morning I stopped to ask her a question. Little did I know then what a simple question about Hebrew syntax one early morning would turn into. She is more wonderful than I can describe. I don’t deserve her. I love her more than I can express. She is my heartbeat…our kids are pretty awesome too. I’m very content and happy with the family God has given me. 

But recently I’ve been wrestling with the feelings of being stuck. I feel stuck in every facet of life right now. Stuck in work, stuck in my dissertation, stuck in spiritual things, stuck in non-spiritual things…geez, everything just feels stuck right now. And has felt stuck for a good bit.

That can be a frustrating feeling. It doesn’t matter where you’re stuck – in a job, in ministry (or out of ministry), or in a place where you’re not satisfied with what you’re doing – being stuck is a helpless feeling. If you think about your stuck position long enough, it gets downright depressing.

Sometimes I look around and see others doing exactly what I thought I would be doing after graduating Seminary 20 years ago. I start to think, “What if …?” But I need to stop asking that question. It’s easy to start the “What if…” game, but playing that game is dangerous too. It can make me feel so unsatisfied, so frustrated.

But I ask the “what if” questions anyway…how dumb is that? Will I ever learn…

I have a desire to be a Pastor again. But the chances of that happening linger somewhere between slim and none. And that breaks my heart. I so want to do that work again. I could live without the nonsense I endured before. But I’ve come to realize that area of ministry is probably closed to me. So here I am – stuck up to my axles in mud and no way out. I don’t blame anyone for my feeling of being stuck. It’s my fault. I drove into the mud. I watched as the mud enveloped me up to my axles.

Feeling Stuck

Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in life? I mean sunk-to-your-axles-in-mud stuck! Ever felt that way? Maybe you know the way to get out of it but for reasons outside your control you simply cannot pursue it. You’re stuck and there is really nothing you can do about it.

I have worked the field of Metrology (measurement science) since 1983. That’s 41 years…and counting. That many years in one field is certainly a long time. There was a time I enjoyed my work. But that time of enjoying measurement science is gone. The company I work for is great and there are plenty of great colleagues there. But I don’t want to do this any longer. There was a time where working in Metrology and doing ministry stuff was great – I’ve been committed to bi-vocational ministry since before I entered seminary. But now I hate it. I feel I’ve been imprisoned by my own convictions. The prison is made of mud and I’m stuck.

Stuck in spiritual things and my service to God

I’m about to finish my Ph.D. in Theological Studies. I should feel excited but I actually feel discouraged. What will I do with that Ph.D.? Will I do more with it than I have with my MDiv in Pastoral Studies? Or maybe more than what I did with my B.S. in Church Ministries?

The way things are going it doesn’t look like I will do more – or even as much as what I’ve done with my other degrees. Maybe I can get a job teaching a college or university course online. But that isn’t what I want to do.

I don’t want to try to do something for God – what could I do for the creator of the universe? Yeah, nothing. But I want to do something that impacts lives in a permanent way. And, for whatever reason, I don’t think I’m doing that right now. I just feel stuck.


Stuck financially

We just can’t seem to get ahead. We aren’t bankrupt or anything like that but, man, the stress involved in making enough to make ends meet these days is rough. Maybe this will change one day, I’m not sure. Taking care of a family of 14 is a heavy lift. Of course, we are not alone with these financial frustrations, but still. I really don’t want this struggle anymore.


Feeling stuck and the Sovereignty of God

I’ve tried to reconcile my feeling stuck status with the sovereignty of God. I’m what I term a “Sovereignty of God” oriented Christian. I believe that God is sovereign over all, in all, and through all. Nothing happens to me except that it is His will for me. He is not mostly sovereign, or kind of sovereign. He is absolutely sovereign, I am not. I am accountable for my decisions and my actions. I’m not sure how His sovereignty and my responsibility work together, but they do.

As I wrestled with this contradiction, a couple os questions came to my mind. These questions seem obvious now but somehow, I missed them before. Maybe I was too focused on being stuck to see them. The obvious questions are…

“Am I really stuck?” “Have I been planted by God somewhere I may not want to be and/or stay?”

Yikes, that is a different issue.

Maybe I’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe asking “What if” is OK if I frame the questions correctly.

Different “What if” Questions

What if…

God has chosen to plant me where I am today?

God has a unique role for me to play in His story?

God has gifted me specifically for this role?

God has chosen me not to conform to an expectation

BUT to the likeness of Christ and, for me, that doesn’t include fulfilling my dreams?

Well, if God is doing these things, why do I feel stuck?

Do I have an answer? Is there an answer?

How about this answer: “Feeling stuck is the symptom of a rebellious heart of a proud man”?

Ouch. I don’t like that answer. But it is the truth.

Realizing, admitting, and embracing that truth changed some things. Actually, it changed everything. I came to understand things in a better way. A more honest way. And hopefully a more God-honoring way.

I’m Broken but not destroyed

God’s purpose is not to make me happy – His purpose is to bring glory to Himself. I play a role in His plan to glorify Himself, and whatever role that is should be enough for me. But when I am focused on my dreams, my aspirations, or my expectations, I will fail to recognize His working in my life. And I will become disillusioned, discouraged, and dissatisfied. I may be broken but I need to remind myself that God is the One breaking me not my circumstances. And yes, that distinction makes a difference.

So what’s next?

When I teach on eschatology, I always tell folks that we should never worry about the timing of the rapture or the end of tis age. What we need to be is ready for whenever that moment comes. Well, the same is true for my life.

I need to accept that perhaps God has decided that my time as a Pastor has ended. My prospects of teaching at a brick and mortar University or Seminary once my Ph.D. is completed is looking bleak as well. I’ll be 61 when I finish and schools typically desire younger guys teaching. If I had oodles of experience and was 61 then that would probably be ok. But trying to get hired as a professor for my first time at 61 doesn’t look great.

My first two options are seemingly not viable. So now what? I have some ideas of what I could do and have begun the process of working toward those things. If that is where God wants me it will take a while to get there. But if He doesn’t want me there, I don’t want to be there.


What is God doing to me…in me?

What is God doing to me, in me, and in my life? I don’t have an answer to that question. What I see around me are the many pieces of my broken heart and my broken life. Shattered dreams, haunting memories, questions abound…But I don’t want to ask “Why?” anymore. I don’t want to ask “what if?” anymore. I simply look around and see the many scraps of my shattered dreams, dashed hopes, unfulfilled expectations., and try to cope.

But I’m reminded of His sovereignty. And because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace my broken heart. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace my brokenness. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace that my dreams are shattered and won’t come true. Because of His sovereignty, I’ve come to embrace that God’s plan for is not what I wanted – and I know that is a good thing.

I’m where I need to be

I’ve come to the point of total surrender…not just mostly surrendered, or kind of surrendered. I’ve come to the place of complete and utter surrender. Maybe you’ve been there for a while and I’m late to the party. I’ve always held out hope that my dreams would somehow come true…but not anymore. I cannot hang onto my dreams and must embrace His plan – whatever it is – for me.

The place of total surrender is an uncomfortable place to be. It is filled with uncertainty. My past life still haunts me. My present life is resting on the grace of God. My future is not so clear to me. I do know that God has predestined me to be conformed to the image of His Son. The path I am taking is nothing like what my dreams were. It doesn’t look like many others have taken since graduating so many years ago. This path is uncomfortable.

I don’t necessarily like being here. I don’t like admitting I’m broken. I don’t like admitting I’m weak. But the truth is, I am a weak, broken man.

I have nothing to offer other than what God is fashioning me to be. This process of sanctification – being conformed to the likeness of His Son – hurts. I don’t like this place of total surrender. But here I am.

Exactly where I need to be.

baldtheologian Christian Living, Habits of the Holy

Seeking Justice or Giving Grace

When wronged, which better describes you: A justice seeker or a Grace granter? The answer to this question, though difficult, is important.

 

Have you ever been lied about? I bet you have. I sure have. Sometimes those lies are little and don’t amount to much. But sometimes the lies can be quite large and really affect you. These lies can be considered defamation of character in many states.

When this happens – and I hope it doesn’t happen to you – what should a Christian’s response be? Should a Christian retain  an attorney and sue? Or should a Christian simply let it go on by.

And what should one do about the anger that comes with this? Oh, the anger!

But now, a few Scripture verses are flying through my heart and head…

BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger…Ephesians 4:26 NASB

So I’m angry about this, but am I sinning? Well, lets consider this little gem from James

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:17 NASB

So what is the right thing to do. There is my desire for justice and vindication of an egregious lie. But there is also my impulse to show grace and mercy and walk away from it. Someone once said

 But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either.  Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.  Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.  If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.  If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.  If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is thatto you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6:27 – 36 NASB

When I juxtapose my desire for justice with the verses above, I admit I struggle with what I should do. And I admit I’m not sure which way I’m going to end up going.

I can sue for defamation of character for the big lies that hurt or smear my name. If I do this, I can win and receive a little vindication.

I can also decide to show mercy and compassion, not sue, not win, and not be vindicated by my acts.

I’ve decided to share my journey into this decision with you. For the next few weeks I will write about what I am thinking, what the Lord is showing me and, hopefully, the decision that I make in the end.

So what happens when we are wronged and our desire for justice collides with our impulse to show grace and mercy? I think we’re going to find out soon…and in the process, maybe we can learn something about ourselves and our desires.

 

baldtheologian Christian Living

A Life Well Lived

I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by His appearing and His kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths. But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. 2 Timothy 4:1-5 NASB

 

I was sitting outside a restaurant in Brea, California in November of 1997. I had flown to California for some training for my new job in Virginia. I had lived in California from 1983 until 1997. When I found out I was going back for a week I decided to call two of my closest friends to see if they would like to have dinner. They said sure and I was waiting on them.

I had been diagnosed with type 1 (insulin dependent) diabetes earlier in 1997. I found out by nearly dying from it. I am still not sure how I did not die – actually the reason I didn’t die is because God didn’t want me to die. Anyway, back to my evening in California.

I sat outside the restaurant waiting on my friends to arrive. I had mixed my insulin for my evening dose, which I would take when we sat down to eat. The timing of one’s insulin dose is important so it is peaking when blood sugar after eating is peaking. I was gently rolling  my syringe between my fingers to warm the insulin (my insulin was stored in a cold pack. Injecting cold insulin is not a fun experience). I could not believe what happened next.

A young man came up and asked me if he could sit next to me. I said I didn’t mind. He sat down and introduced himself. I don’t remember his name but I do remember him. He looked at me and began a conversation.

“I’d like to share some information with you, if thats ok.”

“Sure” I said.

“Well first” he began “I want to say that I am not judging you for your addiction”

I responded “My addict-”

Before I could finish he jumped back in saying “I see the syringe in your hand. I know what you are going to do. I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to do this.”

I smiled, figuring he mistook my insulin for some kind of illegal drug. “You don’t understand.” I said.

“Yes I do” he protected. “I was once addicted too but God delivered me and He can deliver you too.”

“Wait, wait. You really don’t understand. I need this to live.” I said.

He replied “I said the same thing when I was nailing up [slang IV drug users sometimes use to describe injecting heroin]. But I’m here to say, you don’t need that drug. You need Jesus.”

Well this little disagreement continued for a few more minutes until I finally said “Dude, I’m a type 1 diabetic This is insulin. See, I have a prescription for this [showing him my insulin vials]. I’m a Christian. Been one since December 2, 1984.”

He grimaced a bit. He looked sheepishly at me and apologized for his mistaking me as a drug addict. Before he could finish his apology, I stopped him and thanked him for his boldness. We talked a few more minutes, I assured him I wasn’t offended by his conduct but encouraged by it. I thanked him again for being willing to share Christ with a stranger apparently in need.

__________________________________________________________________________

I wonder how many of us – me included – are willing to risk embarrassment like this young guy did? Are we willing to share Christ with anyone we see, risking we may share with someone who is already a Christian? Or maybe we are worried the person we share with will be openly hostile to the Gospel. Whatever our fear, we need to get over them and share Christ to all who cross our paths – yes, that includes those e disagree with on silly issues like politics.

People around me may give me flack for sharing the Gospel. They may laugh at me for believing it. Because I am a Christian, I have not received promotions and being a Christian contributed to my losing one job. I chose not to sue or strike out against that employer because I feel like that kind of treatment is part and parcel of being a Christian.

I don’t want to live a life that is camouflaged. I don’t want people to wonder if I belong to Christ or not. My life – all aspects of it – should preach the Gospel.

Don’t just preach the Gospel with your words. Preach it with your life. And don’t just think that living an outwardly moral life is OK. Preach the Gospel with your mouth too. Really, it is as simple as Paul wrote to Timothy: be always preaching, be always ready, be always teaching sound doctrine, and know those who don’t want to hear, won’t.

In doing this simple thing, we can be assured that we will live a life well-lived, regardless of the bumps along the way. And maybe, just maybe, we will meet someone on a bench and bless them with our boldness and forever leave a mark on them.

 

 

baldtheologian Christian Living

Thankfully Broken

“When I see the Lord on His throne, I figure I won’t be able to stand, much less be able to chit chat with others about something that is suddenly not so important. I figure when I see God exalted, I will fall down in awe and worship. What will you do?”

 

I often wonder how I am doing with my thoughts about who God is. I wonder if I am really in awe of Him or if I’m just going through the motions. One of the best ways I think to figure this out is realizing how much sin I have committed, how much of my sin He has forgiven, and How holy He is. I really don’t have to contemplate this too much though. We have a wonderful encounter with God’s holiness and the brokenness of a sinner recorded in Scripture. We find this passage in Isaiah

In the year of King Uzziah’s death I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. Seraphim stood above Him, each having six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called out to another and said, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of hosts, The whole earth is full of His glory.” And the foundations of the thresholds trembled at the voice of him who called out, while the temple was filling with smoke. Then I said, “Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I live among a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.” Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, “Behold, this has touched your lips; and your iniquity is taken away and your sin is forgiven.” – Isaiah 6:1-7 NASB

The first thing we experience here is that Isaiah sees something.

“…I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. Seraphim stood above Him, each having six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called out to another and said, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord of hosts, The whole earth is full of His glory.” And the foundations of the thresholds trembled at the voice of him who called out, while the temple was filling with smoke.”

This whole scene unfolds in a difficult time for Isaiah. Their earthly King – Uzziah –  had just died. I have little doubt that Isaiah was feeling a bit depressed and discouraged at this time. But in the midst of his discouragement, God gives Isaiah a vision of the Throne Room. Let’s read through the images Isaiah conveys to us.

First, Isaiah sees the Lord lofty and exalted.  What a beautiful description of God. Then Isaiah sees the train His royal robe filling the Temple. Now this probably refers to the entire Temple Mount. That is a lot of area to fill with the train of a robe.

Next Isaiah sees Seraphim – angels – who were attending the Throne of God and worshipping God by stating Holy, Holy Holy, is the Lord of Hosts. The whole earth is full of His glory. Imagine being there and experiencing this sight. This is followed by the foundations of the thresholds trembling at the voice of Him who called out while the temple was filling with smoke. So we have a vision of the Lord Himself, His holiness, demonstrated by the length of the train of His robe, angelic hosts worshipping God and an earthquake at the sound of his voice. Umm, wow. Wow.

The next thing I want to emphasize if that Isaiah realizes something.

Then I said, “Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I live among a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.”

Isaiah realizes who he is in light of the holy God who is before him. Look at what Isaiah says…

woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, 

Isaiah realizes that he is in bad shape because, as a sinner, he cannot be in the presence of the absolute holy God of Israel. But Isaiah’s realization doesn’t end there…

And I live among a people of unclean lips; 

Not only does Isaiah recognize his own sinful situation, but he also realizes that he lives with an absolutely sinful people. This poses a major problem for Isaiah and the nation. No unclean thing or person could stand in the presence of God and survive. Isaiah, is broken over this. Not that he is in pickle. No, I think he is broken over the holiness of God and his sinful nature.

Isaiah recognizes his sinfulness in light of the holiness of God. Think about how you would react. Would you or I react the same way? I wonder.

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When I hear Christians talk about eternity in trite terms, I cringe. I hear some Christians who say “When I get to heaven, I’m gonna give Adam a piece of my mind…” or they say how they want to speak to Paul or something along those lines. I’ve realized as I have grown older in the Lord that those things – while they may be neat to think about – probably won’t happen.

imagesWhen I see the Lord on His throne, I figure I won’t be able to stand, much less be able to chit chat with others about something that is suddenly not so important. I figure when I see God exalted, I will fall down in awe and worship. What will you do?

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Finally Isaiah experienced something.

Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, “Behold, this has touched your lips; and your iniquity is taken away and your sin is forgiven.”

In short, Isaiah experiences the forgiveness of God. His sins are immediately cleansed. As a result, Isaiah volunteers (in the verses that follow these) to go on a mission that will not bear much fruit. But Isaiah goes on this mission quite enthusiastically.

Isaiah has seen the glory of God. He has seen God’s holiness. He has heard the angels, he has seen heavenly worship. And the result of all this?

Isaiah realizes his utter sinfulness. And he is broken over that. In that brokenness, God forgives him and cleanses him.

How are we doing?

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When we meet God – either at salvation or during prayer – do we realize what Isaiah realized? Do we realize that God’s holiness is so awesome that our puny mind cannot fully comprehend it? When we see that holiness and remember the forgiveness and cleansing God has performed on us, are we thankful? Are we broken?

I think we should be thankfully broken about our sin and our new life in Christ. We should never become arrogant – thinking we deserve this life. We should always remember whence we came. We should always remember the cost of our forgiveness. We should hit our knees in thankfulness. And brokenness. Like Isaiah, we should be broken.

Thankfully. Broken.

 

 

 

 

 

baldtheologian Christian Living

Afraid to Die?

We are free from condemnation because we are in Christ. As a Christian, that means my future is secure, regardless of what I do. There is not a sin I can commit – as a Christian – that will cause Christ to reject me. If there is such a sin, then the cross lacks power to keep me saved. 

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As long a I can remember I have feared death. I’ve always thought that if I did something too risky I would die. I have feared that my entire life. Not knowing what happens after death has always bothered me. I would like to see it happen before it happened to me. But with death, there is no way to watch the process before experiencing it.

Therefore, being always of good courage, and knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord— for we walk by faith, not by sight—we are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. – 2 Corinthians 5:6-10 NASB

When I accepted Christ in 1984, I thought this fear of death would leave me. But it didn’t. I still feared death and dying. I would avoid situations certain situations because I thought they were too dangerous. This resulted in avoiding ministry opportunities that presented themselves to me because of my fear. This fear lasted until recently. I’m convinced that my fear of death wasn’t real – and it wasn’t imagined. I misunderstood my fear. I never really feared death. At least I haven’t feared it since receiving Christ.

I feared life.

You read that correctly.

I. Feared. Life.

And living.

Now you may wonder what I mean by that.

So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” They answered Him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never yet been enslaved to anyone; how is it that You say, ‘You will become free’?” Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son does remain forever. So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. – John 8:31-36 NASB (bold mine for emphasis)

Simply put, I feared living the life that was purchased for me on the cross.

I have always struggled with being accepted. There are reasons for this struggle which I won’t share here, but there are very real reasons I struggle with being accepted. I suppose that is the root cause of my fear of life. I always wondered if I would do something that would cause Christ to be disappointed in me and reject me.

I erected rules and regulations to keep my behavior in check. I thought that if I crafted a narrow enough path of conduct then I would be fine. Even I wouldn’t be able to be stupid enough to cause a problem. My guardrails would be enough to keep me safe. The guardrails that I meant to hem my behavior in order to reflect my commitment to Christ became walls that kept me from becoming who I was meant to be by HIm. To say I got things messed ups is an understatement.

Even though I felt that I was doing well, I wasn’t. In my zeal to live within my guardrails, I forgot about freedom. I’m not talking about the idea that I could do anything and be OK. There are rules to the Christian life. I’m talking about the freedom that comes with knowing that I am secure in Christ and being able to live boldly and righteously.

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. – Romans 8:1 NASB

In my zeal I had forgotten to soak in one of the  most critical verses for a Christian. Romans 8:1 is extremely important for every Christian. We are free from condemnation because we are in Christ. As a Christian, that means my future is secure, regardless of what I do. There is not a sin I can commit – as a Christian – that will cause Christ to reject me. If there is such a sin, then the cross lacks power to keep me saved.

Righteousness is credited to me by and through Christ. He decides to see me through His righteousness.  At the time of salvation, I am declared righteous by God because of the sacrifice Christ made for me. This declaration is a legal one that is forever settled. One day I will be righteous – one day when I will no longer sin. That day will happen in glory, when I have been perfected in Christ.

But that day isn’t today. I still struggle with sin – and fear – each and every day. I sin, repent, and then sin again. I am frustrated by this but I now understand that this is how life goes until the day I am made perfect.

Though I still fear life – I still worry about doing stupid stuff – I don’t fear being rejected. God has seen fit to remind me of His undying love for me. The fact that He has declared me righteous means that can’t be changed by my actions. I need to rest in this.

What about you? Are you a Christian who fears life? Do you worry that you may do something that will cause Christ to ultimately reject you? If you are, I hope you are encouraged by what I have shared here. More than that, I want you to be encouraged by God’s unchanging word

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39 NASB

 

baldtheologian Christian Living

The Big Question

All the riches of heaven are mine. I am a co-heir with Christ. My future is secure. I need not worry about anything or anyone. God is asking me, “What do you want, Patrick?” God is asking you the same question. 

 

What would you do if God appeared to you and said “Ask me for anything at all. No lists, no restrictions. Ask for anything at all and I will give it to you.” Wow, talk about a tempting question! I wonder what my answer would be. What would be yours?

Would we ask for riches, stuff, glory, honor, or position? Would we ask for all those things? What would anyone ask given that situation?

We have a record of at least one man who was asked this question. We also have record of his answer, which may surprise you. Lets take a look at 1 Kings 3 and discover the real definition of being rich. Join me, won’t you?

In Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream at night; and God said, “Ask what you wish Me to give you.” 1 Kings 3:5 NASB

Solomon was asked the question of the century – maybe of all time!  From verse 6 until verse 8 Solomon recounts how God had blessed him. Solomon speaks about how God has  blessed him. He recounted how God placed his father (David)on the drone and then how God placed David’s son (Solomon) on the throne. Solomon remembers how good God had already been to him. Finally, in verse 7 Solomon says “yet I am but a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in.” Solomon demonstrates maturity in this statement: he is self-aware and knows that he doesn’t know enough. Now look at how he answers in verse 9

So give Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of Yours? 1 Kings 3:9 NASB

What an amazing answer to such an open-ended question. Solomon didn’t ask for riches, power, or position. He asked for an understanding heart. Some understand this as Solomon asking for wisdom so he will be able to judge His people well. Truly this was a selfless act on Solomon’s part. What is incredible about this passage is when one reads this in Hebrew.

In Hebrew, Solomon asks for a Lev Shomeah –  a hearing heart.

He could have asked for anything and he asks to have a heart that hears. And it wan’t for his own fame or fortune he asked for this. Solomon asked for this kind of heart so that he could govern God’s people correctly. How refreshing this is, especially in today’s me first society.

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Often I wonder if I have a hearing heart. I wonder if I care enough to want a hearing heart. Ouch.

Life is much easier if we choose not to listen with our heart. If we just listen with the ears we have, its easy to dismiss the problems of others. It gets easier to dismiss the hurts other have is we hear only with our ears.

Hearing with my heart is difficult. It makes life much more complicated. I must struggle more if I hear with my heart.

I must actually care.

______________________________

All the riches of heaven are mine. I am a co-heir with Christ. My future is secure. I need not worry about anything or anyone. God is asking me, “What do you want, Patrick?” God is asking you the same question.

How you and I answer reveals much more than our desires of life. It reveals our motivations, our commitment, our Christlikeness.

When we answer this question, we need to think carefully about the answer we give. If we answer like Solomon, there are serious consequences. We place our heart eat risk of deep hurt because we will listen with it. If we decide to answer a different way, it too has serious consequences for our continued sanctification.

We cannot refuse to answer the question – What do YOU want?

 

As for me, despite the consequences, I want to choose…I must choose to have a hearing heart. So God with a trembling soul and a weak heart, I humbly ask that you give me, Your servant, a hearing heart so I can minister to Your chosen rightly, for who can do that unless empowered by You.

 

וְנָתַתָּ֨ לְעַבְדְּךָ֜ לֵ֤ב שֹׁמֵ֨עַ֙ לִשְׁפֹּ֣ט אֶֽת־עַמְּךָ֔ לְהָבִ֖ין בֵּֽין־טֹ֣וב לְרָ֑ע כִּ֣י מִ֤י יוּכַל֙ לִשְׁפֹּ֔ט אֶת־עַמְּךָ֥ הַכָּבֵ֖ד הַזֶּֽה׃

baldtheologian Christian Living

Running Below E

driving-on-empty-e1523064122524A friend of mine recently shared with me the story of her driving her car until her gas gauge was below E  – meaning it was below empty. She sent me a picture of her gas gauge (it is to the left). She said that when she finally filled her tank, it took 16 gallons of gas, which was the most gas she ever put into her tank.

We laughed about it and the what ifs about running out of gas. I remarked at one point that I always refill my gas when I get slightly below the 1/4 tank level. My friend replied something like But how do you know how far you can go if you don’t ever take it below empty?

I’ve never really thought that trying to run out of gas in my car was a good thing. I also have always thought that when the tank in getting close to empty – especially when the warning light comes on – it is a good idea to fill up. And then the inspiration for this article hit me.

How often do we run on empty or below empty spiritually? We may deny this happens but I think it happens…more than we want to admit. Do we even know when we need to refill our tanks, spiritually speaking? Or do we even know why we run on empty? I think I understand why we get to empty and why we tend to be there more than we should.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 NASB

Far too often we conform ourselves to the world. We pick up plenty of bad habits – in dress, attitudes, language – from the world around us. Perhaps the worst habit we pick up is the attitude of self-sufficiency.

Do not be conformed to this world…

Misinterpreting this command is really hard to do, yet we do it all the time. We conform to the world’s standards and expectations. We conform to the world’s views on social issues and, sadly, theological issues. We conform in the use of our time, talent, and treasure. We place more trust in Bitcoin that we do in Christ. What a sad state we find ourselves.

Our tendency to conform to this world is at the root of the problem of running on empty. We  wrongly believe that a five minute devotion is just as good as a good hour or so in deep study of God’s word. We convince ourselves that we can multitask our sanctification by listening to someone read the Bible instead of reading it ourselves. We deceive ourselves into believing that our little popcorn prayers – those inane little thought prayers we pop up to God as we think of them – is sufficient communication with out Father in heaven. We do all these things and are surprised that we lack any real power or sensed presence of God in our life. Oh my. Oh my, oh my, oh my. This should not be.

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…

This is an interesting part of this verse. The word transformed can be either in the middle voice or the passive voice. The middle voice is kind of an intensive active voice – I’m doing the action for my own interest or benefit. The passive voice is understood as I am the recipient of the action – someone is doing the action to me. Which voice is in view here depends on the interpreter in many cases. I like them both. Kind of.

If the middle voice is in view, then I am involved in the process of transformation. I’m reminded of the verse work out your own salvation with fear and trembling…” That is found in Philippians 2:12. Chapter 2 of Philippians is exhorting us to be like Christ in all we do. If the middle voice is in view, I am to transform myself in my own interest with the result being that I become more like Christ.

If the passive voice is in view here, than I am receiving the transformation – probably through the agency of the Holy Spirit’s role in my progressive sanctification – and am not actively doing it. God is in the driver’s seat here, which suits my Sovereignty of God orientation.

But rather than quibble about which voice is in view, I’d rather focus on the rest of the verse

by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

My – and your – mind must be renewed. And this must be an ongoing action. Now this isn’t just for the sake of me getting better. Oh no, read the verse. It is so that I may prove – PROVE – what the will of God is. Imagine that.

How do I renew my mind? 

First, renewing the mind includes a steady diet of God’s Word. We are bombarded with the words of the world. We don’t spend near enough time battling the influence tis has on us. We need to bathe our mind in the ever-soothing salve of God’s word so that our battered soul may take refuge in Him.

Second, we must communicate with our Father. This means not only do we speak to Him, but we listen for His voice in our life. This takes time and is definitely what the world has in mind for us in the gotta-get-it-now culture. Our culture definitely creates an unworkable framework furor spiritual growth.

If we don’t listen to what our Father has to say to us – through His word, HIs Spirit in us, and HIs people around us – then we really are not communicating with Him.

Third, we need not only to serve others but receive service from others. We can refill ourselves by giving when we can and receiving when we need to receive. This promotes our community – the Church – to rely on each other.

Are you running on empty?

Have you run your tank to below the E on your spiritual life gauge? If you’re like me, you have done this more than once. You may be there right now. And you know what? Its OK to be there. You can do this every once in awhile. The important thing is not to stay below the E in your life.

May you prosper in the Lord in the coming weeks as you fill, use, refill, use, and refill again your spiritual tank all to the glory of God.

 

baldtheologian Christian Living

When Worlds Collide

381359main_planetImpact-full_full

What happens when two worlds collide? Usually sparks fly, stuff breaks, things shatter. It can be spectacular and ugly at the same time. It can inspire awe and seem revolting at the same time. This is especially true when we experience it in our lives.

God promises to change us to be more like Him as we walk this path of life. This is referred to in theological circles as progressive sanctification. We progressively change to be more like Christ as He works on us. This sanctification can be difficult and painful at times. Maybe it is painful all the time. I know this last round of sanctifying work of God in my life has been incredibly painful and challenging. My world’s are colliding and parts of me are breaking off, burning away. In many ways, the person I am is shattering with the promise being that the one who emerges from this will be more Christ-like.

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I have always been a very private person. I don’t readily share my deepest thoughts, fears, or regrets. I also don’t compliment others even when a compliment is appropriate. I am wrong and have to change. But I don’t want to change. Change hurts and I don’t like pain.

On the rare occasion that I do compliment someone, I try to make it as measured as I can. I rarely – if ever – say what I really think about someone for fear of being misunderstood or giving the wrong impression. I rarely talk about specific things when encouraging or complimenting others. I try to stay general in my observations, restrained in my words. I just don’t do encouragement or complimenting well. I’m private with those kinds of thoughts about others. But my world that wants to be extraordinarily private collided with another world recently – the one that wants to be extraordinarily encouraging to others. I really don’t know what to do about it either. Its really confusing.

I have purposed in my heart to be more encouraging to others and to compliment others when a compliment is appropriate. But as I have tried to put this into practice, I’ve struggled with it. When I try to encourage others – be they friends at work, my wife and family at home, or my Pastors at church – I encounter fears. Big fears.

I fear I will be misunderstood. I fear that I may say too many nice things. I fear I’ll stumble over my words and give the wrong impression. I think that maybe I should just keep my mouth shut – I’m just not good at this encouragement thing. I seem to mess it up every time I try. I try to always be accurate with what I say to encourage others. I try not to flatter them because empty flattery is insulting to the one its aimed at. But I do want to encourage others and compliment others when I believe a compliment is deserved. What is going on inside my soul!

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I am an insecure person. As far as I can remember I have been this way. My insecurity isn’t about just one thing either. It is about all of me – my appearance, my emotions, how I speak, and how I act…everything that makes me who I am. My sarcastic speech is my lame attempt to cover up my insecurities as a husband, father, brother, and friend. A really lame attempt at that.

I have wondered in the past if my my marriage would end one day. I worried about how I would mess up my family life. I’m thankful I have a wife and family as tolerant of me as they are. I certainly have received the better end of things with my wife and children. I’m still insecure about this though. I’m fearful that I’ll do something stupid that will wreck this great family God has given me.

Why do I do this? Why do I have these thoughts? I really don’t know. But I do know that their net effect is to inhibit me from doing the right thing. I know I should encourage other Christians. But I often don’t.

A recent conversation I had brought out many fears. It upsets me. And intrigues me. I’m really not sure what to do with what is bouncing around in my head right now. But I know God has brought this on me for my good. Maybe the collision of privacy loving Patrick is colliding with caring about others Patrick. Maybe God is sanding off some really rough edges and sparks are flying. I don’t know.

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My world’s are colliding – and it is disturbing, challenging, encouraging, and frightening. My faith and life, with all its responsibilities to my wife and family – and to my family in Christ, is colliding with my fears of vulnerability, transparency, and intimacy with other Christ followers. It is uncomfortable but necessary. I hate it but I love it. I’m conflicted and confused but never clearer in my goal.

I do know that the journey I call life is filled with challenges. I have challenges to my character and convictions. I have challenges to my way of thinking and doing. I have challenges to what I choose to believe and disbelieve. Challenges abound. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with this latest set of fears and challenges, but I do know that God is in the business of sanctifying me. He is making me more like Him. To accomplish this old things must pass away. I have to be willing to change. But change, my friend, is scary.

So what will I do with my worlds colliding?

Maybe I’ll just ignore them. Maybe I’ll just make some sarcastic remark and move on without really dealing with them. Or maybe I’ll listen to them and believe them.

Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll finally face up to my fears and confront them, understand them, and have my faith in Christ conquer them. Being transparent and vulnerable is scary stuff.

I’m scared of what is going on in my heart and soul right now. But I think its time to have my faith collide with my fears. Sparks will fly. Pieces of me will be broken and destroyed.  I won’t be the same man  I was before my worlds collided. What will happen after all this is anyone’s guess but it is under God’s sovereign hand. What should I do? What will I do?

 

This is gonna hurt, but let my world’s collide and God’s sanctification of this fearful little servant continue.